Leah's Lost Tooth

At the end of Leah's first grade year, I asked her how she liked 1st grade. She said she loved it except for the fact she didn't ever get on the "tooth board." When kids would loose a tooth, they got to go up on a bulletin board. She was probably the only one in the entire grade level who hadn't lost a tooth! I told her eventually, they will come out.

After summer came and went, I was wondering if she would ever loose her baby teeth. Part of me didn't really care if she ever did, because she looked so darn cute with her tiny little teeth. It kept her looking more like a baby, and let's face it, loosing teeth is somewhat of an awkward looking stage for kids. I finally took her to the dentist to make sure everything was OK. He confirmed that everything was fine and her big teeth were there and that it would happen.

She used to tell me, "Mom I have a lose tooth!!!" I would check and have to tell her, "Honey, it's not loose." Darn.

Until one day, it was finally loose! She was 7 and a half!

Now that is was loose, you'd think she'd want that thing out so the tooth fairy could come. NOPE. Now that it was about to fall out she was nervous and didn't want it to come out. All this hype and she became scared to pull it. The thing was barely hanging on!

My parents decided to take the kids to the marina to watch the parade of lights in December. I get this picture in the morning....

She was so excited and I was too! She waited so long, it fell out while she was brushing her teeth and didn't even notice it! She realized later when she was looking in a mirror. My mom had to search the bathroom floor for the tiniest tooth. She found it and put it in a zip-lock bag.

When we got there later for the parade, she wanted to show us her tooth. My mom and Bobby both told her to wait until later so we didn't lose the tooth. So, she did what any smart girl would do and she went and asked Grandpa to get her tooth.

"Sure!!" he said. She came and showed it to me. It was so tiny, I could barely see it in the bag! We all made a huge deal about it and she was so happy. I'm not sure what happened from point A to point B, but when we went to leave later....we couldn't find the damn tooth.

We searched high and low all over my dad's boat. She starts crying because she had waited so long to loose that tooth and now she didn't have one to put under the pillow! I felt like a super bad mom! How could I misplace her first tooth! Bobby and my mom continued to say how they knew it'd get lost and they said to not bring it out, blah, blah, blah. We check the trash. No where to be found.

After an hour of looking, Bobby draws the line and says we will just have to write the tooth fairy a letter. Leah is bawling her poor little eyes out. Someone says they took the trash to the main dock trash and maybe it got put in there. Bobby is like, "Hell no! We are not dumpster diving for the tooth!"

I feel awful and am so dumpster diving for her tooth. He is so annoyed, Leah is still crying and I feel like crap.

We go and of course Bobby tells me he will be the one to go look in the trash for the tooth. What a guy! We wait in the car with our fingers crossed that the tooth will be found. He walks back to the car....

empty handed.

It's over. The tooth fairy will be getting a note from Leah.

We leave and Leah is still so sad. About ten minutes into the drive, we get a call from my dad. I answer, "Please tell me you found the tooth."

He said "Yep!"

Come to find out, I set it on the bed next to the kitchen. My mom went to put the hot dogs away in a zip-lock bag. She took one out and then saw the one on the bed and thought she had already took a bag out. As she laid in bed, she remembered the bag and thought that it must have been the one with the tooth. She gets up, looks in the hot dog bag and there was the dang tooth!!

Leah decides to wait for the next day when we get the actual tooth, so she can actually put it under the bed. She waited so long to have this experience, I felt for her!

She has now lost her second tooth. We won't soon forget her first tooth though! We joke with her telling her tooth really wanted to eat one more hot dog before the tooth fairy took it. Phew. Almost really messed that one up!

I-I-I I Workout!

I decided when I turned thirty I was going to get into the best shape of my life. What a long journey this has been! My weight has fluctuated 40 pounds up and down since I graduated high school. When I first began, I wasn't very consistent with my workouts or diet. I finally got more serious in November of 2012 and started working with my trainer in January of 2013.

I know my body has changed, but I'm a normal woman and was feeling as though I still hadn't made enough progress. People will comment on how I look and to be honest, it is such a slow process sometimes I don't feel like much change has happened.

Bobby must have had enough of me talking about my progress, or lack thereof, and had me take a picture in a swimsuit to look at. Most women dread bikini pictures, and I am no different. I started to look back at old pictures of myself and comparing them to the one he took. This was so important to me because for the first time, I realized how far I have come! I am more motivated now to stay fit and keep going to shed some more body fat and pounds.

*Yes, I'm wearing sparkly heels...if you know me, you know I had to. **Yes I used a freakin' filter. I am a mom, don't be ridiculous ;) *** I was going to post a before pic, but ain't nobody want to see that!

There are some things I have learned along the way about myself and being healthy that I'd like to share.

1.) Just make up your mind and do it. Once you make up your mind you will have to keep making up your mind everyday, at every meal, at every workout. Sometimes your mind will say, "No way!" and it will take you to the In-N-Out drive thru. That's OK. Don't blow your whole day or week. You can make up your mind again and get back on track at the next meal.

2.) BE REALISTIC! Be realistic about your body type and shape. Be realistic about how long progress will take. Be realistic about your lifestyle and how this will all fit in.

3.) Do it for yourself. You really have to have a drive that says you are in competition with yourself. Besides all the people who will look better or be stronger than you, you will be a better version of yourself and that's what counts most. And you have to know it is OK to invest time in yourself!

4.) Celebrate EVERY POUND and success. Give yourself a pat on the back for every good decision you make. It's hard, you deserve to smile, no matter how tiny the victory is, it's HUGE!

5.) The smaller the goal, the better. I was so overwhelmed with my long term goal. I used to feel the same way about long drives. I would break the drive up by making it to certain monuments or exits and it seemed shorter. Everything seems manageable for a short period.

6.) Plan, plan and plan. Meal prepping helped me stay on track more than I originally thought it could. When my meals were already made, it makes it simple to make the better choice. Also, when I go out to eat, I make up my mind about what I'll have before I go. I look up the nutritional values and make the healthiest choice. We are a very social bunch and this part is important, as we eat out a lot. I wasn't going to bring in my own food, but I always have a plan for when we do go out. I pretty much know what I will eat at EVERY restaurant in town!

7.) Surround yourself with people who support you and cheer for you. Positive people can really keep you on track.

8.) Play tricks! I tell myself totally weird things, like that junk food will make me sick or give me food poisoning. And I believe myself.

9.) If you buy it, you will eat it. Seriously, I'm addicted to chips. I can't buy them.

10.) Don't deprive yourself. A little bit can go a long way if you crave it! Two chocolate kisses after a meal will do the trick!

This post will seem super positive and happy but the truth of the matter is, I really go through times where I am not positive at all about exercising and clean eating. I get down about progress and have low self esteem. But my attitude overall, about life and health and fitness has improved. And I am so thankful and proud of what my body can do! For example, I never thought I'd be running for 3 miles! I still don't love running, but feel the need and even crave a good run.

I still have months of work to reach my final goal. I thought it would be a good time to share my journey and how great I have been feeling. But I do mess up and cheat. I don't even want to call it cheating. I make a decision, that sometimes living is more important than cellulite. If we are celebrating with the kids at the ice cream shop, I am not going to sit that celebration out. I just get the smaller size now! I will not miss any of my kids practices or games or really anything in order to look better. Two hours in the gym a day is not really practical with our schedule. And I will still have an adult beverage to relax after a long week! But I do what I can, when I can to be healthy.

There are some people who I want to mention in this post about my journey because I think so many people will play a role in your success or failure in reaching any goal.

There is no way I would have stuck to it if I didn't have Bobby as my biggest support. The man is smart!! I am so glad he talked me out of doing fad diets and convinced me to only eat in a way I can maintain for the rest of my life. I will not drink shakes for the rest of my life or never again eat a carb. He really always took time to explain to me about balance. It also helps that no matter what weight I am, he whistles at me when I come downstairs after getting ready. I am lucky he always has made me feel good about myself! I also appreciate the fact he is dead set against surgery or quick fixes! I used to threaten that liposuction is much faster than this process. He convinced me that we are do it yourself people and this was no different. How easy is it to hire someone to do stuff around the house? How accomplished do we feel when we do it? He was right! I feel pretty proud of the work I put in. He is super patient with me, well, either super patient or can tune me out really good, especially when a Dodger game is on.

This journey of mine has really become a journey for our family to be aware of a healthy lifestyle. We still have fun and live, but we are always aware of foods and exercise. Some of my favorite workouts are as a family, whether it is riding bikes or having a dance party or just challenging each other. No better way to make it fun! The kids ask questions about eating healthy, and calories and exercise. I hope this has created a foundation for fitness in their lives.

My friends have played such a huge part in my fitness journey! It is so important to surround yourself with positive people who will cheer for you and pick you up when you are feeling down. My good friend Penny and I decided that instead of sitting at our kids' baseball practices and talking, we should run instead to try and get a workout in. I don't know how long I would have stuck to it if she wasn't encouraging me on days I didn't feel up to it. We really held each other accountable and made good use of our time. She is one of the sweetest people and I really would have given up if it wasn't for her.

Our husband's would probably tease us to no end if they could read the texts, my friend Melissa and I exchange in a day. She is so supportive and it is so fun to have someone to text what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We totally get each other and laugh and complain about the roller coaster that is dieting and exercise. I would probably be insane if I couldn't vent to her.

I am excited to talk about my trainer Jesse! This is one of the best investments I have made in myself. Women will spend money on so many things to make themselves feel better, let me suggest taking that money and putting it towards a better you. At first it was hard to justify adding the expense into the budget. Like many moms, spending money on themselves, instead of on their family, seemed like a foreign idea. Having a trainer started out as a luxury to me, but has become a necessity. My success couldn't have come without him. When you make a date with yourself and you know you are paying, you are less likely to cancel or come up with a reason not to go. I always knew he would be expecting me and I knew I had to fit it in- no matter how busy I was. The workouts are planned, he counts my reps and holds me accountable. It is a couple hours a week that I have to myself, and something that betters me. I always leave feeling a million times better than when I walked in, even when I can barely walk out because my legs are shaking. I really have developed a friendship with my trainer and can't say enough about his positive attitude and willingness to help others with their fitness journey. He definitely has found his passion and place in the world transforming people's lives.


OK, sorry if that was a little acceptance speech-ish. I thanked everyone but my mama! Speaking of my mama, my family is the most awesome cheerleaders. But they love me and cheer for me at any weight and always tell me I'm good enough already. I didn't win any award or trophy, I know, but just wanted to acknowledge some awesome people who have really made all the difference in my quality of life.


One of the most exciting things to celebrate is my health. My mental health and physical health has improved so much. People have asked me what I've been doing to lose weight so I thought I'd write about it and really share my excitement and passion for fitness. I really hope I can keep this up and that you will want to start, or keep up your hard work! I've lost 10% body fat and have 4% more to lose! Wish me luck!!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Recently, I experienced mom-heartache. Something so simple, marks the end of a period in time. I know the cliche about kids growing up before your eyes and to cherish things while you can. "You're Gonna Miss This,"  by Trace Atkins sums it up so nicely, in a way only country music can.

While I can't wait for my kids to grow up, I want to slow it down as much as I can. I'm excited for their futures and the possibilities of what they can become and do. In those ways, I welcome time passing. But then I realize that with each stage of independence, I have to say good-bye to the parts that make my babies....well, my babies. Too often we wish for them to be able to walk, only to miss them needing us to be mobile. I really do try to savor each stage, knowing they don't last for long. There were days, (mostly toddler days) when I wished they could be more independent, only because my life would become a little easier. There were days when I really wished we could just skip the tantrum stage and go straight to the well-behaved older kid stage, because surely at some age they act right! I love how when kids don't act right - it's a stage and when they do - it's because of wonderful parenting.

This moment is frozen in time....

It is a natural instinct for me to reach for my kids' hands when we are walking. I like to hold their hands. It's comforting. I never thought about what age they stop holding your hand. I mean, I know I don't see teenagers walking around the mall holding their parents' hands, but when exactly does that change?

Heart-break. While walking into the mall, I reached down and held Leah's hand. Right away she grabbed mine. With my other hand, I reached out to hold Bryce's. He held mine back. FOR LIKE A SECOND. He awkwardly and quickly pulled his hand away. I reached for it again and he evaded my search for his. I looked at him confused. He just smirked but his eyes looked sad.

I asked, "Don't you want to hold my hand?"

He shyly replied, trying his best not to hurt my feelings, " I DO WANT TO Mom, its just...." And his little voice trailed off.

I tried my best to keep it together. My little guy! My buddy! When did he get old enough to know it wasn't cool to walk around the mall holding my hand?

I said it's OK. I understood. He stated again. "I really DO like holding your hand, Mom, I just can't."

I think it really hit home about how old Bryce is getting. I couldn't be more proud of how intelligent he is, not only in school, but in life. He's compassionate and caring and even knew how to make me feel better about not holding his hand. He was always such a perfect baby and is growing into a well-rounded little person. He does well at whatever he tries, but is always eager to learn more. His mind is so open to new things and now his hands can be open to new things as well.

It is pretty symbolic. I mean, you have to let go of their hand at some point, right? I still reach down for his hand, without even thinking about it. He still pulls away and then smirks at me. I guess there is no going back now.

And while this milestone can bring me to tears, I'm OK. He's OK. And you know what? He will still come up to me (even in front of his friends) and give me the best, big hug. He holds on super tight and for a long time. I squeeze back as hard as I can, without hurting the poor boy, and I savor it. One day those hugs will be quicker, if they even exist at all when he's a teenager. I never knew you could be so happy about something and so sad at the same time, with one big sweep of emotion.

My baby is growing up.

8/14/2003 Bryceman 

                                                                   

Happy Friggin' New Year

We decided to have a party at our house for New Year's Eve. Well, not really. We had planned to go to my brother's house. The quickest thing you learn as a parent, is things don't usually go as planned. So, like I was saying, we had a lice party at our house.

The new running joke is that Leah got lice for Christmas. Along with her cousin Tynli. The family that plays together, gets lice together. This is the gift that keeps on giving!

I am really cautious about a lot of infectious diseases, but for some reason I never had a paranoia for lice. I have received notices home from school saying we had been exposed, but we never caught it. No one close to me (that I know of) has ever had lice. To me, it seemed hard to contract.

Well, now that we contracted it, it seems hard to get rid of. The work that goes into cleaning everything properly and perform head inspections is exhausting. After five days of treating Leah and the house, we really thought we were in the clear. I know the box said to retreat in 7 days, but I thought this was a precautionary tale about what happens if you don't clean like a mad lady, like I had. I was planning on retreating on day 7 anyway.

New Year's Eve (day 6 in lice terms) I'm doing my normal head check on Leah and discover that the lice isn't all the way gone. I start to freak out because I have been swimming in her hair all week. I assumed after the initial shampooing it will disappear. Wrong. Immediately, I have Bobby check my head. He said he wasn't sure but he thinks he saw something?

I go upstairs and do what any mother would do. I started bawling my eyes out. After a week of careful cleaning and head inspections, we had to start all over. Not to mention, lice gives me the creeps. I mean, I am not an insect lover to begin with and the thought of bugs and eggs (vomit) in Leah's hair and my own is enough to send me off a cliff.

Bobby comes upstairs, fully aware of my mental state and reassures me it will be OK. I'm pretty sure that it won't be OK because I can't stop crying. Then Bobby does what he does best and makes everything better. He said this is such a short period of time of discomfort and at least we had Leah here in the first place to search her head for lice.

And with that, everything seemed lighter. We would bring in the New Year, just us four, which with a big family doesn't happen often. No one wanted to come visit with our current state and I didn't blame them. We would watch a movie on the couch and get take-out since I was in no mood for cooking. The kids would stay up for the countdown, even though Bobby and Bryce both took a little snoozer before hand. It really was a special holiday because even in this unfortunate circumstance, we are so fortunate to have each other to laugh and live with.

And if I really could change it, I wouldn't choose to be away from our families at Christmas. We get to spend time with so many people we love and that may expose us to many things, but I would give Tynli a big hug regardless.

I'm still not sure if I full on have lice, but decided to treat both of our heads. This process for long, thick hair takes at least two hours. Bobby, being the wonderful husband he is, went through my hair for a couple hours to make sure I was in the clear. Insert many jokes here. Have I ever mentioned how important it is to be able to laugh with your spouse? We had to laugh through this experience a lot. The next couple days will be full of tons more laundry and plastic bagging everything we own, but I'm pretty sure this will be the end of lice. And the beginning of a new paranoia for me.

Looking forward to more of the same (minus lice) in 2013, with less cussing, more working out and more writing!

DHW the great

Last night we lost an amazing man in our family. Grandpa was 87 years old! What a life he had and made for all of us. When I think of where Bobby and I are today I can't help but think of the wonderful grandparents we have had to influence the life we enjoy. Don lived for love of God, family and country.

We loved hearing him talk about the house he built in New York with his own two hands. He talked about how hard it was to get a loan. He was so proud of building that house and when he talked about it, you could tell. Those kind of men are rare nowadays. He was a self starter. He uprooted his family to California, all five of his kids and wife, to find a job and better life. This decision he made, led me to meet Bobby. Nothing happens by chance or accident. I realize how his work ethic has shaped the man I married. What a positive role model he was about living the American dream and being proud of a humble life, rich with family.

He served our country in the Navy. He was so proud of being American and being a democrat. His beliefs and love for our country made this younger generation feel connected to a bigger picture. And although our family is divided between the two parties, I believe that his love and commitment to the country is what caused any of us to care so much in the first place. That our place and fight could matter. He told his daughter Donna before he passed to use the picture of him campaigning for Clinton at the funeral. It was one of his favorites.

His marriage to Zella was heart warming. His dedication to her and their kids (no matter what) stays in my mind. He said it wasn't always easy but it was worth it. When I visited him once in the hospital, he was as upset as I'd ever seen him. His wife, was having a procedure done at a different hospital and he couldn't be there when she needed him. What he said to me and the look in his eyes, showed me a love that people dream about having. I think it's one that comes with some heart ache and trials but in the end, is the most beautiful thing to witness. Watching them hold hands at the end was so emotional for me to see. The stories he would tell of their courtship would entertain us all, and sometimes with a roll of her eyes, and a smile, you could feel the love between them.

He is in heaven now and that is very comforting to me. He lost a daughter and his twin brother and the thought of them being reunited makes our pain ease a bit. Telling my kids was hard. Bryce understands loss a little too well now at his age.

Sometimes it hurts just because you can't take the hurt away for others.

I am so happy that I married into a family where family truly comes first. The care he received in his last months from his kids and wife should be the standard of how we treat our loved ones when they require that much care. I hope they all can find some peace now and be proud of the love they showed him. I am extremely proud of them and especially my mother-in-law. To see her be such a comfort to him was emotional and I could only hope one day to be that person to someone as well.

It is weird when these moments in life occur. You expect the world to stop for a second and take pause. It is both a blessing and a curse that life keeps going.

Thank you DWH the great, for being such a wonderful person. You will be greatly missed at the dinner table.

Celebrating Moms (and kids)

Today we celebrate moms. I've been sort of emotional today. Couldn't read the poem on the back of Leah's hand print without tearing up. Bryce wrote the sweetest heartfelt letter to me. Teared up. Took my mother-in-law to church. Teared up there several times. Not full on crying, just touched. I feel so fortunate to have this role. There are days like this, when all the tears are happy ones. There are days when the tears are overwhelmed ones, you know, the ones where you lock yourself in the bathroom and just cry. I had one of those this week too, when I realized it would take me 6 hours to get my house looking spic and span. And so on this day we honor mothers for all the tears and sweat they put into their kids and families.

But today, I really felt like I should be celebrating my kids. After all, they are the ones who gave me the greatest purpose. They deserve this day (although everyday is all about them).Without kids, I'm not sure I would have learned that the world doesn't revolve around me. They have made me understand what it is to be unselfish. To put others needs and comforts above your own. They give me a reason to get out of bed every morning and try to make the best of things, even when things aren't going according to plan (every. Monday.). I can write every cliche about parenting here because they are all true!

They make me proud everyday in different ways. I hang on their every word because the stuff that comes from those little heads amuses me. I can't imagine a life without those moments daily. They make me feel rich in emotion. So today I celebrate them, because they have made me a better person, bottom line.

Does Church Make You a Better Person?

I have always viewed religion as something deeply personal. Something that does not need explanation or flaunting. I believe in letting your life speak for itself. When you love something it shows. I don't know if it is my age (I just past a pretty huge milestone) or if it because my mind does not shut off, but religion has been on my mind a lot lately. I thought writing it out will help me put some of these thoughts to rest. Does church make you a better person? I am not writing this to put people who attend church down. I am writing because this is the question that keeps popping up in my head. I struggle with this.

There are plenty of things I don't understand about religion. I will most likely spend the rest of my life researching the answers. I consider myself deeply spiritual. This doesn't mean I'm too lazy to go to church, but I have a hard time identifying with churches. I attend Catholic church when I go, which isn't often. I am debating about going more regularly, but struggle with many things about that. I was married in this church and my kids were baptised in it. I relate best to this, probably because it is what I know the most about and am familiar with. I am connected to this church through my belief in the bible, my family beliefs and soul searching. I like going and feeling connected to God and others who are believers. It makes my faith stronger.

Even when I do not attend church weekly, I pray, throughout my whole day. My kids say prayers every night. I thank God throughout the day for little things, like feeling healthy, having a car to drive, having money to buy the things we want and need, living in America, feeling connected to my family, etc.

I know verses of the bible and find great comfort in many of them, although I am not an expert and won't quote bible verses from memory. The belief seems to be that if you do not identify with a church and tie yourself to it closely, you are viewed as less religious. I am very secure in my beliefs and what I teach my kids. I don't think it is fair to make comparisons about who is closer to God based on appearances at church. Some people like to shout it from the rooftops and while I do admire that kind of passion, it isn't how I feel more spiritual.

I want my kids to have a strong faith, but there may come a day when they don't. I don't like to think that will happen but they are free to believe what they want. I want them to make their own decisions. I want them to question. I want them to find the answers to their own spirituality. I hope that what I teach them gives them a good enough understanding and faith. I wonder if church will help them or not. I've seen other people become more faithful through church, but I have also seen it make them less.

I struggle so much with many things with church. I'm not in a position to tell others how to live their lives. That is for each individual to decide for themselves. To live for themselves. If they don't believe in God, that is also between them and themselves.

It doesn't affect how I live, or MY relationship with God.

Judgemental attitudes draw me away from church. I have a problem when people feel higher than others based on beliefs. People preach about parts of the bible but leave out other parts. Bottom line, we are all sinners and I don't need to walk around and point out other people's shortcomings. Most of us know where we fall, in regards to where we are with our faith. I don't feel like Jesus would have wanted us to use him to feel superior. I feel that many times people use their voice to preach about the bible but forget to ask themselves how Jesus would have treated some of the people they are preaching about.

There are so many religions. Another thing I struggle with understanding. I don't discredit ones I don't belong to, because there are several interpretations of God's word. I use the bible and it's beautiful verses to live a better life. I want my children to know the love Jesus has for us. I want to use his example to live up to. Although we will all fall short, what a beautiful way to be, with compassion and forgiveness in your heart. I think this can be learned and strengthened through church, but I also feel it can be achieved at home, with less judgement. Do you follow EVERYthing from church or is it interpretive?

If something doesn't make sense to my heart, but it is in the bible, I follow my heart. Because in me, that is where Jesus lives. And Jesus and my heart would not mislead me.