To My Dear Papa

Today would have been my grandpa's 90Th birthday. He passed away four years ago, but it's still easy to remember how wonderful he was. Although he lived a great full life, I wanted to believe he'd be here forever...

I was suppose to say some words at his funeral, but I couldn't bring myself to talk without turning to hysterics. My oldest brother bravely stepped in and said beautiful things about him. I wish I could have pulled it together long enough to talk because there would have been so many things to say...

I am so lucky to have had such a positive role model in my life. I didn't realize until after he was gone just how much he had influenced my life.

He taught me the importance of recycling. I used to go to help him around the house and tease him because he would save anything with a 1-6 recycle code on the bottom. The recycling often took over the counters because the bin was too far for him to walk. I would come over a couple times a week and take them out for him. I remember saying, "What's the difference? Just throw it in the trash." He would lecture me about taking care of the planet for my children and their children. I am now obsessed with recycling and limiting the trail I leave here when I go.

He was so passionate about politics. He was a hard-core democrat. I would go and eat with him and we'd watch the news and talk about politics. I didn't realize how much his passion would make me feel passionate about voting and becoming involved. He use to tell me it was our responsibility to vote. That it was a privilege that shouldn't be taken lightly. He came to America to give his children a better life. We recently found a paycheck stub from when he first came here. It was for 96 cents an hour. I think about that a lot! How hard he had to work for us and become a citizen and do it the right way. I am forever grateful for those hard choices he made. He helped me understand why America was great, so great, he uprooted his family to be a part of it. I will always vote....specially in his honor!

He could cook up a storm! When I'd go for my visits he would make the best tasting food. Then he told me I would have to learn to cook this way. I loved how he'd measure. He take a fist full of rice and say, "This is how much you put in." I'd tell him that my hands were smaller and he'd say, "Doesn't matter." It always turned out good. I am so thankful for the dinners we had together. There were these pork chops he would make that I always requested. He taught me to perfect these and I made them tonight for my family to celebrate his birthday.

I miss so much about him, but mostly I feel so lucky to have had him in my life for as long as I did. He was always kind and patient. The best kind of grandpa to have. He taught without seeming to be lecturing. He was simply there for us when we needed him. If you complimented something of his, he would insist you take it home with you. He always had candy in his pocket to share. He always addressed birthday cards: To my dear, and the name...

So Happy Birthday, to My Dear Papa!

Everyone calls you AMAZING, I just call you MINE!

The title of this blog happens to be a new Martina McBride song. It also happens to be the way I feel about my husband. Since he is not one to brag, I have taken the liberty to dedicate this blog to how awesome he is. All right girls, I am NOT holding back on this one, so sorry if you gag a 'lil.

Of course, I have always thought my husband is great, that's why I married him, right? He works for 24 Hour Fitness and had worked his way up through the years. He may be one of the hardest working guys I know, and does so without complaint. Although he isn't one of the highest paid Club Managers, which I think is a shame, he is one of the best! I have often been frustrated with the company and wonder if they really value him the way they should. Well in the last year, I think his hard work and way with people has really paid off and for anyone who doesn't know...He is AMAZING!

Within the last year he has won an award based on integrity. Just call him Mr. Integrity. Not a bad quality to have in a husband(take notes Tiger)or boss. Then we got to go on a chairman's cruise with the best from the company. All expenses paid! Nice way to say, "That a boy!" Then he received a raise to better reflect his value. This last week his club and him won another honor based on engagement, which means how well the employees are informed and feel a part of the company. Out of ALL the clubs in the company his employees took a survey that put him at the top of the list. This coming from of a club that is in desperate need of an overhaul; the place is OLD! He has created this great atmosphere for his employees to work in and he created a feeling that everyone feels a part of the team. I couldn't be more proud of him!!

The CEO announced during a conference call his name and gave a shot out to the great job he is doing. Then they gave his club $2,000 to spend on a party!

He is always the type of guy to go in and get the job done. He's not in your face or over the top. He won't brag about all the wonderful recognition he receives. He just gives over 110%, all the time. I am so proud of his style and way with people. You just can't meet him and not like the guy!

OK ladies, this is where it gets even more ridiculous! He comes home from work that day with flowers. I think, "Wow, he's in such a great mood because of this award." He hands me the flowers and thanks me!!! He gives me a great big hug and said if it wasn't for me, he couldn't do the stuff he is doing at work. I find that hard to believe, but it felt great to hear, regardless. He tells me thanks for taking care of the kids and that the job I'm doing at home allows him to do a good job at work.

Let me get this straight, he gets an award because he is awesome, and he turns it around to make me feel awesome! How awesome is he?? And there is no extra charge for this?

I usually try to downplay how great he is, for some reason. BUT not today!!! Today, I shout from the roof tops: BOBBY is the BEST, and am proud to call him MINE!!

Thankful for the Annoying Little Things!

Of course, I'm thankful for the usual: my husband, my kids, my family, my friends and our health. But this year I find myself focusing on things that usually annoy the crap out of me, and have found how truly thankful I am for these little things.

Working out- I dread this normally. And I am still not seeing the great results I want, but I have found that I am so thankful for the ability to work out. And I'm trying not to complain about it! I started seeing this man in a wheelchair working out. I thought about his hardships and how challenging it must be to get to the gym in his condition. What the heck am I complaining about? I am thankful to have a totally working body that I am able to work out, without much effort.

Busy Schedule- I often find myself complaining about going here and there and everywhere. I am starting to be thankful for this busy schedule. I use to get a little stressed. We have to visit so many people on the holidays. Split our time, keep the kids happy and clean, etc. I am so thankful that we have so many houses to go to for the holidays. Some people don't have one, and for all this love that my kids get to experience, I am thankful. All the family we have is what MAKES the holidays so special.

Body image- Being a girl, it's easy to pick out what's wrong with myself. I can do it at the drop of a compliment from my husband. "Thanks, but this doesn't look good," is my usual response. I am starting to focus a little less on these flaws and focus on what I do like. I have been reading a blog about a woman who has been badly burned, but is still so happy. I am thankful for all the things I have, regardless of my appearance. And I'm thankful for this new outlook.

The Non-Stop Noise- I am so noise sensitive, and my kids are talkers, singers, noise makers and drummers. Sometimes at the end of the day I love to sit in the quiet house and listen to...nothing at all. Lately, the noise hasn't been bothering me as much. I am so thankful that their minds are always engaged and that they are healthy happy kids. In fact, I am so thankful to have this noise around, I have even started making noise with them.

Transportation- I often complain about gas prices, driving from one side of the town to the other and back again. Lately, I have been just so thankful for being able to drive two working, great rides. It was really cold one morning and I saw a lady standing at a bus stop with her young child. I couldn't believe how a little perspective can change my outlook so much. If I think it's hard loading up two kids in the garage to get ready for school, imagine how hard it must be to walk in the freezing cold to catch a bus with a toddler. My life is really a cake walk and I have no right to complain!

So, after our second Thanksgiving dinner today, I wanted to write about how thankful I am to gain perspective in my late twenties. Everyone can feel bad from time to time, but really, I am thankful for my life and how little there really is to complain about!

Toy Party

The other day I got a call from a friend inviting me to a Discovery Toy party. I was like, "Oh, you are having one too?" She said, "Yeah...are you? If you come to mine I'll come to yours."

Cool Deal, I thought.

We continue talking and she says, "The daycare kids just love these toys! They are the best."

The line goes dead for a second....

I ask, "Oh, these are toys for kids, like kid toys?"

She said, "Yeah, what kind of toys were you thinking?" Awkward laughing follows.

Then she asks, "Well, what kind of toy party are you having?"

I said, "Well, not the kind for kids, that's for sure!"

Lesson: Always clarify before you insert foot in mouth!

My Life Can Speak for Itself

OK! For those of you that read yesterday's post, it turned out to be a "little" of a ranting blog. I decided to delete it for several reasons. I wrote it out of hurt and on the defense. I now think there is no reason to have to defend the way I live my life to anyone. I am secure enough and know I am making the right choices for my family. "Actions speak louder than words." I don't need to state the obvious about my life, like being happy and loving my kids. I will let my life speak for itself.

Secondly, I think we all love our kids the best we can, anyway we can. There is no reason for me to put down someones way of life, even if they are attacking mine. I don't claim to know the answers and don't need to make other people feel bad to justify the way I feel, even if they are doing that to me.

You know those posts, the ones you should write but never really press publish or send? That was yesterday. It felt better to let it all out, but afterward realized that what I wrote wasn't exactly my style. So I am censoring myself. Sometimes, you should write, get it out and press delete!

When are you REALLY Done?

Content with my Two Cuties (one of my favorite fall pictures)

When I was younger, much younger, and didn't realize how much energy goes into raising one kid, I wanted like a trillion kids. Well, at least four, just like my family. There was never a dull moment growing up with three other siblings. At the time I didn't appreciate it, but realize that I long for the chaos that comes with a bigger family. But....

I am totally content with the two healthy happy little kids I have now. I dread being pregnant again. The thought of feeling sick and pushing and the whole bit doesn't appeal to me. I am not sure I want to start all over with infant car seats, cribs, diapers, bottles, the whole thing. But....

I also can not give away any of my infant things. We have an attic full of stuff that could warrant another baby boy or girl. SO MUCH STUFF! I just can't let it go. I am trying to do some soul searching to see if it is the memories I can't let go of or if it is the suppressed desire to have another baby.

As time passes between kids, I am leaning towards "no more kids," but there is always that little tiny voice saying, maybe?? But by no means am I sure. Bobby has agreed to have the procedure to make this all pretty permanent. Since I did have trauma done to my parts twice, he can definitely deal with an out patient surgery once. Recently, I thought I was for sure over the infant stage and told him to make the appointment. He said he wasn't ready.

It seems as though we can't get on the same page. When I think maybe, he is a no. When he thinks maybe, I am a no. All I know is.... until we are BOTH sure either way their will be no permanent decision making either way.

I just can't believe I may never smell that sweet smell of MY infant again. You know...the almost gross but sweet smell of their necks. It's a mix between spit-up and baby bath. Yes, I miss that smell. But....

Will you always miss that smell when you are done? Does there come a time when you wouldn't miss that smell? I mean look at those crazy people with 18-19 kids!! Did she just say, " I will miss the smell of that baby too much?" I think even when you know you are done, you will miss those beautiful infant moments, but maybe that doesn't mean having more kids for me.

We are constantly asked when we are having more kids. People are actually shocked when I tell them, probably not. They say, "I see you with more kids." I'm not sure what that means because I also saw myself with more kids but feel like I'm PROBABLY done. I'm not sure what I'd be trying for. I have everything I want in these two Lil kids. Perfectly content. And I know the feeling of wanting another one. Almost immediately after Bryce I wanted another baby. The desire isn't the same now, so I'm guessing that's a clue that we are done.

My worry is, although I say I'm done, in 3 years will I want another one? This all leads me to think no permanent solution is a good one for now...just in case. Wish I knew the answers so I could clean out the attic. I wonder how and when you know for sure. I don't want to end up with a baby right before menopause, when my two kids are entering college. Nope, we will have to decide before then.

Better Late Than Never...Halloween!

This year we had our traditional Halloween. We had our annual adult Halloween Party to kick things off a week early. I must say that I was planning on NOT having it this year, but my friends convinced me with their excitement, as most of them had already planned their costumes. So glad we decided to have it! As always it was a good time and fun to be adults and be silly for the evening with great company. For the past three years, Bobby, Katie and I have dressed as a trio but with the addition of James, her boyfriend, we had to come up with something for all four of us. WAY harder! We tossed around several ideas and decided on Oprah and friends, even though we weren't content. One night over Mexican food, Bobby came up with a mariachi band. Could have been the margaritas talking, but we decided it was genius! Here was the final outcome:

My kids are finally at the age where I do not get to pick their costumes and I'm OK with that. Leah surprised me by not picking a princess and went for Tinkerbell. She was completely adorable, even though they were probably 5 other Tinks in her preschool class. She was my obvious favorite though! Here she is:

Bryce wanted to be Bumblebee from Transformers. He got two of these costumes for his birthday so it made it pretty easy for me. I am usually against pre-made Halloween costumes because every kid in America has the same damn thing, but I got way into letting the kids be proud of their selection. Some kid came up to Bryce and told him he looked awesome! Made his day and mine! Here is our little (macho) Bumblebee:
Bryce was extremely sick this Halloween. He had a fever and horrible cough. He ended up trick-or-treating for a couple houses and then had fun handing out the candy at home. This is usually his favorite part anyway. Man, what an awful day to be sick! My mother-in-law made her corn chowder, just like every year. YUM! The grandparents came over to check out their little prized possessions, the kids. Overall it was a great time, sickness and all, now if I can just get rid of all this candy...it's not helping with the diet!!!