I've been diagnosed with SBS =/

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. Don't know what else to call it. But today I am deciding to pull myself out of it, because quite frankly, I'm getting irritated with myself!

I've heard we are entitled to these days, but I always end up feeling really guilty when I do. Why the heck have I been getting into these slumps? I'm going to go ahead and blame the shortage of time and money.

Then there are the annoying people who just advertise the good parts of their lives. You know the ones...every post on facebook is about how happy they are, how in love, a picture of the flowers they got, or how they have the best________ fill in the blank. I don't know...if it is ALL roses, people will see that it is by how you live your life, not by how many times you post and list every time something good happens. Maybe people have got lost in what true happiness is, and I'm afraid I got sucked into it too. Just waiting around for moments that are post worthy. We are so connected to this false sense of belonging, we forget to live for ourselves. So, that's the rant about that, hopefully I am not the only one to feel this way. Moving on to more ranting, because you know it will get me out of this funk and back into where I want to be...HAPPY =)

It is so hard to find a place where you can just accept where you are at in your life and be truly happy. I have been completely happy for lengths of time in my life before. I think this funk is caused by a case of the "Spoiled Brat syndrome" (SBS). That's what I am going to call it. I can be honest and say that the root of this evil is wanting too much, too quick. Loosing patience for the things that are not in my possession NOW! I mean what am I, a 2 year old?

Dear Santa (if you do exist),

I want concrete RV access. I want an RV. I want a covered patio. I want a new car. I want a new truck for my husband, who works so hard and by golly, deserves it! I want a new shiny, red washer and dryer. Oh yeah, a new oven and dishwasher to go with that. I want new clothes so I can be fashionable. I want to look AMAZING and be able to say I have good genes, not because I have to restrict my diet and exercise like a crazy person to fit into the jeans I want. Can I also have enough money for a mani/ pedi every week, and time to actually go and get one? I want money to invest and start a business.  I want to work so I can afford all this, but I want to stay home too. I want it all and not sacrifice too much to get it. By the way, I have been really good this year ; )

I never feel like we have enough time to get done what needs to get done. Clean the house, fold the laundry, PTA, hit goal, dishes, bathe the kids, workout, etc. I run around doing so much for everyone else, sometimes I forget to get done the things I really want to do. I need to get better at managing my time and my family's time. We need downtime too! Even if we had the money for all the projects I wanted to finish, we would not even have enough time to finish them. I have never been good at patience. I am working on it...

I never feel like we have enough money either. All those wants up there aren't going to happen unless there is much more income happening! Am I willing to go back to work to fulfill these materials wants...not really. So I need to find happiness without the new shiny stuff. =/ These faces are kind of annoying but somehow really get across a point, so I'm going to keep doing them, even though they irritate me a bit too. Add that to the list of annoying things I am going to keep doing!

After talking to myself for the last month and getting a lot of guidance from my husband, I am getting to the point where the only things that matter and are important and will contribute to my happiness are things I have already. I know so simple, so cliche, so hard to achieve at times.

The Jones' can have whatever pretty things they want to have, because I do have everything I could ever want or need. And when I stop comparing where we are at, and where other people are at, I am allowed to really enjoy the things that matter. Sometimes I have to remind myself to not get caught up. Which becomes increasingly hard around the holidays for some reason.

Bobby has noticed my little funk attitude, which has to suck for him. He works so hard to make us happy. Happy wife, happy life. He doesn't quite understand what changed (possibly hormones?) to cause this new funk. You know men...he offered solution after solution. I was irritated with all of them, naturally. He said if I want all those things to go to work. I was appalled. I mean really?! I like my stay-at-home mom role. Then I started to consider it. I really could bring in a good chunk of money. I tossed the idea around. But something didn't feel right. I wanted the things and didn't want to have to work harder than any mother has to work. Moms, I know you know that is A LOT of work. Men, if any of you are out there and actually READ blogs, SHUT UP! You couldn't do it if you tried ; ) I thought we agreed that I wouldn't work, so I was confused by the suggestion for me to work full time. I mean, I am pretty sure there is a paper route he can take up for us to get some useless, material sh*t. Totally joking, I am not that cold hearted of a B-word.

After several suggestions and solutions that only irritated my mood more, he said something that just made sense. He came to the conclusion that I needed to make myself happy. He said if I needed all those things to be happy, I needed to work full time. If I find happiness with where we are at, I should stay home and forget about all the new crap that doesn't matter anyhow. He was right...and don't you dare tell him! I know he doesn't read this ranting on here, so I will just admit it to you.

The confirmation came later that week. We had a parent teacher conference. Bryce got all A's and had one of the highest reading levels in his class. The teacher said he is excellent at following the rules. He is receiving a writing wizard award this next week. Although I know his quick understanding of things comes natural to him, I was proud. Even though it comes easy for him, he still had to be confident in himself, put in the hard work and know right from wrong. I would have been just as proud if it was all C's and he did his best. The fact of the matter is, that is all that matters. Later Bobby asked me if I had decided if I was going to work. I held up his report card and told him that this is all the paycheck I need. I could seriously buy a ton of happiness with that!

I think we are allowed to fall into these little funks. Realize we could be worse off, we could be better off. Doesn't matter. I had a reality check and am back to the happy old me. I think. Until that red washer comes for Christmas. I know Santa can hear me. I dream about getting it and posting a picture of it to facebook. It will read, "My new baby..." I really was praying my old washer would break down so I could by the new one. Then it started to be on the fritz and I was praying it would last until after the holidays. Now I just pray and thank God we even have a washer and a house over our heads. Perspective can change a lot.

HAPPY =) Holidays!!