DHW the great

Last night we lost an amazing man in our family. Grandpa was 87 years old! What a life he had and made for all of us. When I think of where Bobby and I are today I can't help but think of the wonderful grandparents we have had to influence the life we enjoy. Don lived for love of God, family and country.

We loved hearing him talk about the house he built in New York with his own two hands. He talked about how hard it was to get a loan. He was so proud of building that house and when he talked about it, you could tell. Those kind of men are rare nowadays. He was a self starter. He uprooted his family to California, all five of his kids and wife, to find a job and better life. This decision he made, led me to meet Bobby. Nothing happens by chance or accident. I realize how his work ethic has shaped the man I married. What a positive role model he was about living the American dream and being proud of a humble life, rich with family.

He served our country in the Navy. He was so proud of being American and being a democrat. His beliefs and love for our country made this younger generation feel connected to a bigger picture. And although our family is divided between the two parties, I believe that his love and commitment to the country is what caused any of us to care so much in the first place. That our place and fight could matter. He told his daughter Donna before he passed to use the picture of him campaigning for Clinton at the funeral. It was one of his favorites.

His marriage to Zella was heart warming. His dedication to her and their kids (no matter what) stays in my mind. He said it wasn't always easy but it was worth it. When I visited him once in the hospital, he was as upset as I'd ever seen him. His wife, was having a procedure done at a different hospital and he couldn't be there when she needed him. What he said to me and the look in his eyes, showed me a love that people dream about having. I think it's one that comes with some heart ache and trials but in the end, is the most beautiful thing to witness. Watching them hold hands at the end was so emotional for me to see. The stories he would tell of their courtship would entertain us all, and sometimes with a roll of her eyes, and a smile, you could feel the love between them.

He is in heaven now and that is very comforting to me. He lost a daughter and his twin brother and the thought of them being reunited makes our pain ease a bit. Telling my kids was hard. Bryce understands loss a little too well now at his age.

Sometimes it hurts just because you can't take the hurt away for others.

I am so happy that I married into a family where family truly comes first. The care he received in his last months from his kids and wife should be the standard of how we treat our loved ones when they require that much care. I hope they all can find some peace now and be proud of the love they showed him. I am extremely proud of them and especially my mother-in-law. To see her be such a comfort to him was emotional and I could only hope one day to be that person to someone as well.

It is weird when these moments in life occur. You expect the world to stop for a second and take pause. It is both a blessing and a curse that life keeps going.

Thank you DWH the great, for being such a wonderful person. You will be greatly missed at the dinner table.

Celebrating Moms (and kids)

Today we celebrate moms. I've been sort of emotional today. Couldn't read the poem on the back of Leah's hand print without tearing up. Bryce wrote the sweetest heartfelt letter to me. Teared up. Took my mother-in-law to church. Teared up there several times. Not full on crying, just touched. I feel so fortunate to have this role. There are days like this, when all the tears are happy ones. There are days when the tears are overwhelmed ones, you know, the ones where you lock yourself in the bathroom and just cry. I had one of those this week too, when I realized it would take me 6 hours to get my house looking spic and span. And so on this day we honor mothers for all the tears and sweat they put into their kids and families.

But today, I really felt like I should be celebrating my kids. After all, they are the ones who gave me the greatest purpose. They deserve this day (although everyday is all about them).Without kids, I'm not sure I would have learned that the world doesn't revolve around me. They have made me understand what it is to be unselfish. To put others needs and comforts above your own. They give me a reason to get out of bed every morning and try to make the best of things, even when things aren't going according to plan (every. Monday.). I can write every cliche about parenting here because they are all true!

They make me proud everyday in different ways. I hang on their every word because the stuff that comes from those little heads amuses me. I can't imagine a life without those moments daily. They make me feel rich in emotion. So today I celebrate them, because they have made me a better person, bottom line.

Does Church Make You a Better Person?

I have always viewed religion as something deeply personal. Something that does not need explanation or flaunting. I believe in letting your life speak for itself. When you love something it shows. I don't know if it is my age (I just past a pretty huge milestone) or if it because my mind does not shut off, but religion has been on my mind a lot lately. I thought writing it out will help me put some of these thoughts to rest. Does church make you a better person? I am not writing this to put people who attend church down. I am writing because this is the question that keeps popping up in my head. I struggle with this.

There are plenty of things I don't understand about religion. I will most likely spend the rest of my life researching the answers. I consider myself deeply spiritual. This doesn't mean I'm too lazy to go to church, but I have a hard time identifying with churches. I attend Catholic church when I go, which isn't often. I am debating about going more regularly, but struggle with many things about that. I was married in this church and my kids were baptised in it. I relate best to this, probably because it is what I know the most about and am familiar with. I am connected to this church through my belief in the bible, my family beliefs and soul searching. I like going and feeling connected to God and others who are believers. It makes my faith stronger.

Even when I do not attend church weekly, I pray, throughout my whole day. My kids say prayers every night. I thank God throughout the day for little things, like feeling healthy, having a car to drive, having money to buy the things we want and need, living in America, feeling connected to my family, etc.

I know verses of the bible and find great comfort in many of them, although I am not an expert and won't quote bible verses from memory. The belief seems to be that if you do not identify with a church and tie yourself to it closely, you are viewed as less religious. I am very secure in my beliefs and what I teach my kids. I don't think it is fair to make comparisons about who is closer to God based on appearances at church. Some people like to shout it from the rooftops and while I do admire that kind of passion, it isn't how I feel more spiritual.

I want my kids to have a strong faith, but there may come a day when they don't. I don't like to think that will happen but they are free to believe what they want. I want them to make their own decisions. I want them to question. I want them to find the answers to their own spirituality. I hope that what I teach them gives them a good enough understanding and faith. I wonder if church will help them or not. I've seen other people become more faithful through church, but I have also seen it make them less.

I struggle so much with many things with church. I'm not in a position to tell others how to live their lives. That is for each individual to decide for themselves. To live for themselves. If they don't believe in God, that is also between them and themselves.

It doesn't affect how I live, or MY relationship with God.

Judgemental attitudes draw me away from church. I have a problem when people feel higher than others based on beliefs. People preach about parts of the bible but leave out other parts. Bottom line, we are all sinners and I don't need to walk around and point out other people's shortcomings. Most of us know where we fall, in regards to where we are with our faith. I don't feel like Jesus would have wanted us to use him to feel superior. I feel that many times people use their voice to preach about the bible but forget to ask themselves how Jesus would have treated some of the people they are preaching about.

There are so many religions. Another thing I struggle with understanding. I don't discredit ones I don't belong to, because there are several interpretations of God's word. I use the bible and it's beautiful verses to live a better life. I want my children to know the love Jesus has for us. I want to use his example to live up to. Although we will all fall short, what a beautiful way to be, with compassion and forgiveness in your heart. I think this can be learned and strengthened through church, but I also feel it can be achieved at home, with less judgement. Do you follow EVERYthing from church or is it interpretive?

If something doesn't make sense to my heart, but it is in the bible, I follow my heart. Because in me, that is where Jesus lives. And Jesus and my heart would not mislead me.

She's a Beaut

There she is! The one he's been waiting for his whole life!! I am excited to announce the newest addition to our family, this truck!! We have been working pretty hard to finally purchase it. I am seriously so excited for Bobby. This is HIS first brand spanking new car. I have had two. He always gets the leftovers. I think it was well worth the wait. He said it was more than he wanted or expected. I know it's just a car but I really wanted to express my joy for Bobby. He is such a hard working guy. He doesn't complain. He sacrifices his personal wants for the better of our family and he doesn't even bring it up. But I notice all the small things he does. He has just been so patient in getting this. It makes me so happy to see him happy.

We traded in the ol' Saturn for her too. It was time. Bryce balled his eyes out. I also cried a bit. It's funny how attached we became to our little family wagon. We brought Leah home from the hospital. Brought home our Christmas trees in her. Took family vacations. Bryce has drove in that car since he was 1! We were so sad to trade her in but this truck is going to be a blast for the whole family. We can tow the boat now. We are also looking forward to getting a truck camper and making tons of memories. I got demoted back to the old civic! One thing is for sure, we keep our cars for a long time and I think Bobby will have this truck until he's too old to drive it!

Now the kids are trying to name it. My dad has a black truck like it and he named it the "Black Pearl." So far Bryce wants to name her Shakira or The Babe, after Babe Ruth. Leah wants to name it Biebs, after Justin Bieber. My dad suggested The Great White Shark. One of those names will stick, and I really don't think it will be the Biebs.

Romance with the Kids

This year we didn't make any plans  for the big v-day. Bobby and I decided to not get presents for each other since we were trying to save up for a big purchase. Flowers still found their way to me and slippers to him. Guess it's the small little gestures that make us feel nice. I don't want to do the math in my head right now, but we have been together....for a long time. Since we don't have an actual day we can remember dating we celebrate our "together" anniversary on Valentine's day. We both worked during the day and I enjoyed seeing the kids do their celebrations at school. Somehow Bobby sent me one of the grams our school sells for the students. It was a sweet little delivery! Bryce was really sweet and wrote Leah the sweetest Valentine card. It is so "them" and it brought some tears to my eyes. We decided to go to dinner way early to beat the crowds. We really wanted to hang out with our little valentines too, so they came along to celebrate. We ate at my favorite restaurant, "The Lemon Leaf." Then we hit up the candy store. Topped of with a movie on the couch. Perfect day to celebrate love with the people in my life that make me feel that special daily.

Ditch Day

Bryce had a doctor's appointment "down below." It's funny that this is what people from the AV say when we have to head to LA. Since we were already half way there, I decided to make a fun day out of it and make use of our passes to Disneyland. My parents met me there. It was such a fun day! We were sad to not have Bobby there. Someone has to work I guess. The lines were short and I enjoyed every minute of ditch day. I love that every time we are doing something fun my kids thank me and tell me it was the best day ever. Even if we are just going to get ice cream, it's the best day ever, ha! We really had one of the best ditch days ever!

Masquerade Ball

We had a fun little evening out to celebrate Morgan's 50th birthday (my brother's mother-in-law). It was a ton of fun and of course spending time with my family and extended family is a bonus. It was a dinner cruise around the marina. Bobby surprised me and booked a room for the night. The kids loved staying in the hotel! The next day we went for a joy ride on my dad's boat. I was feeling well, for a change, and really had a great time. When we were out on the water, it was perfectly calm. Everyone was smiling and loving the day. I couldn't help but become taken over with emotion looking out at the vastness of the ocean and thanking God for a perfect day with people I love.

School is IN!

School started and I felt a little lost. The first day I did pretty good. The second day I felt sad. I went to the office and was a little teary-eyed. Well, the secretarty mentioned they had to open a new kindergarten class and wondered if I'd want to do it since I had free time now. I would be at the school to see my kids, so I accepted the job, not knowing how long it would be for. They said until they hired a permanent teacher.

So even more change! The job lasted two months. I was a full time working teacher with two school aged kids. I was really glad I took the kindergarten job. It was great money and I got to see Leah at lunch everyday and I grew really close with my class. But boy oh boy, was I exhausted. There is a special place in heaven for kinder teachers!

Leah LOVES school. She gets her homework done on the first day she gets it, she is very popular and has adjusted so well. When I finally stopped working and she wasn't seeing me everyday there was a bit of an adjustment period for her but she is used to not seeing me there everyday now!

Bryce is doing very well. His report card is great and he got to participate in a GATE activity painting cubism art. He loved it. He gets to play beyblades during recess and soccer. He is a well adjusted 3rd grader!

Summer Wrap Up

I started writing this in Summer (told you I'm behind). I LOVE summer! I love not having a routine, or places to go. Some days we stayed in our pajamas ALL day, and loved it! We also had a fun time on a couple adventures.

I feel like a lot changes with the mark of a new school year. Leah is starting kindergarten. I'm sad in a different way than I was with Bryce. I'm excited for her, but it changes my purpose. I've been pretty much a stay at home mom, with the exception of substitute teaching here and there for 8 years. Now with both of them in school, I will work more and it means no more toddlers in this house. I guess I'm feeling blue and a little empty nest syndrome. School is such a bitter sweet thing for this mom.

This summer we had a blast, but we always do! The kids decided on small birthday parties ( I limited them to 5 guests) and instead go to Disney for a couple days. We also made a Pier trip and had plenty of swimming dates at Grandma's. We took a couple Vegas trips, one with friends and one for my sister-in-laws 21st birthday. My mom had her 50th birthday and my dad surprised her with renewing their vows. It was such a special day. Not looking forward to getting back to the grind!