Today is our 11th year of marriage and 17th year together. That was hard to write as I hate odd numbers...
Looking back, it is almost funny to see where we are now. When our families met I was 5 and Bobby was 9. We grew up teasing each other, playing guns and a game we called "Lions." Sometimes when we sit back and talk about those times it is crazy to think we actually got married and made two little pieces of heaven (sometimes hell) Bryce and Leah.
Once, when I was totally crushing on him and he hated me, he walks up and said I was pretty. My heart melted. It was even in front of all of our brothers. Then he said, "Pretty ugly!" I still married him and that story will forever go down in history. I still think he thought I was pretty and too cool to admit it.
When (at 12) I told people I wanted to marry this guy they looked at me like I was nuts. When we actually started dating, Bobby's friends all thought he was crazy. I'm sure there were very few people who thought we'd actually make it. My 7th grade teacher bet me we would be broken up by the end of the year or he'd give me $20. They all could have been right. But they weren't, and I'm so happy.
Whether it be luck or hard work or a combo of both, I am glad to be where we are. We have a blast together and when things get hard, there isn't anyone else I can imagine in the trenches with me. It works, without having to change each other or wish for something better. I thank God for that. Every night.
For years he has been asking for pictures of me, probably since we got married. I wasn't sure if I ever would. Then I found this great boudoir photographer and surprised him today with a book full of pictures. He said it was the best present ever. I was pretty proud of having the guts to do them, as it was nerve racking. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy. It's the least I can do for all the happiness he brings me.
I really don't know why people wouldn't want to be married and have kids. This is my heaven. Even when it's hell, wouldn't trade it for anything. And that's after a week of dealing with the stomach flu with both kids. You know it must be love! Here's to a lifetime of these mushy anniversary posts =)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Till Death Do "Some" Part
I'm not sure if it's our age, or it's a sign of the times, but it seems that many people we know are going through divorce. I would say half! It is a sad thing and whenever it happens, it has me reevaluate my marriage and what we can do to make sure it stays a happy marriage.
Bobby and I talk a lot about what it is to be married and what it is to be happy and about our future. I think people go into a marriage with expectations that do not line up with reality. When we talk about marriage Bobby teases that he assumed I would cook him dinner in lingerie every night. Ha! The truth is, those same ideas you got married with....change. I think the obstacle of a good marriage is to roll with those punches and change together.
I think it is how you make it though the difficult times, the respect and nurture that you show each other, will determine how strong your marriage is. Anyone can make it through bliss. The good times make it worth the lows. Anyone could make it if it was all peaches. Not everyone makes it because it's not all peaches. Make it though the lows gracefully and I believe you will always be married.
Hopefully we are part of the 50% who make it but if we are not, I will need to come back and eat or reread the following words.
Dear Husbands:
Love your wives. Love them when they are not-so lovable. Love them when they are ugly, inside and out. They may not always be the amazing woman you married. Love them anyway! I know I have had days that I am not at my best. When I feel ugly (perhaps not showered) and it shows in my attitude on the outside. All I needed in those moments of despair is for my husband to make me feel whole again, make me feel "pretty" and worthy, like the day he married me. And I believe this is the key for women. Make them feel loved. When you see them after they get ready - whistle. You may not even feel like they are worthy or deserving of it, but give it to them because that is what she needs. And if she can't get what she needs from her husband, what is the point of having one? Make her feel smart and beautiful- as I think this is the key to her happiness. Once she has had your children, make her feel like that is the most amazing thing she could have ever done for you and how much you worship that gift. Some days she will be worn from all of it: keeping it all together with the kids, the cleaning, the working and looking great while making love like a porn star. Tell her you notice the effort. And if she's not making the effort, let her know how much you appreciated it when she did, so that she can become the woman you fell in love with once again.
Dear Wives:
Love your husbands. Love them and make them feel like men. Give them plenty of physical contact because that's how they equate their emotions. Support them with their careers and tell them how much you appreciate the security of a man. How you feel safe and secure when they are home. Without that security, what is the point of having a husband? Give them love and perhaps, bj's- just because. Bobby said they should be called blowfun instead of jobs, because it sounds like a duty instead of something great. Ha! Love your husbands and give them love even when they are annoying and watch too many sports because deep down, you appreciate their "kid at heart" attitudes and wish you could be as carefree as they are. Let him know that he is a great Dad. Tell him how much you appreciate the help bathing and dressing the kids. They may not always do it right, but if they are doing it at all that is something that should not go unnoticed. Make them their favorite food, just to let them know you are trying. TRY! Men are simple and really do appreciate the smaller things, like sexy underwear, you smiling, or a home cooked meal. The man that you married and fell in love with is in there and will come out with a little coax.
That is my theory. I read it to Bobby just to make sure it was accurate. He said it's accurate for us, but everyone is different and that may not be what they need. I agree. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'm praying I have the answers for what it takes for us two to stay together. Bottom line, talk and see what it is you may need.
We don't get married to a person we can't stand. At some point you loved that person and recreating and changing what that love was and is will be the key to a happy marriage, I hope! Maybe some people are just not meant to be and will find this happiness with someone else. I'm not sure if divorce is right or wrong. Maybe if there is only one person willing to make it work, it can't work. Maybe there had to be something there to begin with or the rest self destructs. I hope and pray, as we enter our 11th year of marriage this week, we find the answers that work best for us! Love and happiness to all!
Bobby and I talk a lot about what it is to be married and what it is to be happy and about our future. I think people go into a marriage with expectations that do not line up with reality. When we talk about marriage Bobby teases that he assumed I would cook him dinner in lingerie every night. Ha! The truth is, those same ideas you got married with....change. I think the obstacle of a good marriage is to roll with those punches and change together.
I think it is how you make it though the difficult times, the respect and nurture that you show each other, will determine how strong your marriage is. Anyone can make it through bliss. The good times make it worth the lows. Anyone could make it if it was all peaches. Not everyone makes it because it's not all peaches. Make it though the lows gracefully and I believe you will always be married.
Hopefully we are part of the 50% who make it but if we are not, I will need to come back and eat or reread the following words.
Dear Husbands:
Love your wives. Love them when they are not-so lovable. Love them when they are ugly, inside and out. They may not always be the amazing woman you married. Love them anyway! I know I have had days that I am not at my best. When I feel ugly (perhaps not showered) and it shows in my attitude on the outside. All I needed in those moments of despair is for my husband to make me feel whole again, make me feel "pretty" and worthy, like the day he married me. And I believe this is the key for women. Make them feel loved. When you see them after they get ready - whistle. You may not even feel like they are worthy or deserving of it, but give it to them because that is what she needs. And if she can't get what she needs from her husband, what is the point of having one? Make her feel smart and beautiful- as I think this is the key to her happiness. Once she has had your children, make her feel like that is the most amazing thing she could have ever done for you and how much you worship that gift. Some days she will be worn from all of it: keeping it all together with the kids, the cleaning, the working and looking great while making love like a porn star. Tell her you notice the effort. And if she's not making the effort, let her know how much you appreciated it when she did, so that she can become the woman you fell in love with once again.
Dear Wives:
Love your husbands. Love them and make them feel like men. Give them plenty of physical contact because that's how they equate their emotions. Support them with their careers and tell them how much you appreciate the security of a man. How you feel safe and secure when they are home. Without that security, what is the point of having a husband? Give them love and perhaps, bj's- just because. Bobby said they should be called blowfun instead of jobs, because it sounds like a duty instead of something great. Ha! Love your husbands and give them love even when they are annoying and watch too many sports because deep down, you appreciate their "kid at heart" attitudes and wish you could be as carefree as they are. Let him know that he is a great Dad. Tell him how much you appreciate the help bathing and dressing the kids. They may not always do it right, but if they are doing it at all that is something that should not go unnoticed. Make them their favorite food, just to let them know you are trying. TRY! Men are simple and really do appreciate the smaller things, like sexy underwear, you smiling, or a home cooked meal. The man that you married and fell in love with is in there and will come out with a little coax.
That is my theory. I read it to Bobby just to make sure it was accurate. He said it's accurate for us, but everyone is different and that may not be what they need. I agree. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'm praying I have the answers for what it takes for us two to stay together. Bottom line, talk and see what it is you may need.
We don't get married to a person we can't stand. At some point you loved that person and recreating and changing what that love was and is will be the key to a happy marriage, I hope! Maybe some people are just not meant to be and will find this happiness with someone else. I'm not sure if divorce is right or wrong. Maybe if there is only one person willing to make it work, it can't work. Maybe there had to be something there to begin with or the rest self destructs. I hope and pray, as we enter our 11th year of marriage this week, we find the answers that work best for us! Love and happiness to all!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Taking Some Time
Ever since I was pregnant with Leah I have been nauseous. Nearly everyday and she is almost five. I started seeing doctor's about a year after having her because, what I thought was morning sickness, was not going away. I was s..l...o...w...l...y treated for an array of things. Ulcers, acid reflux, anxiety, and the list can go on for a while. Each time I would see a doctor, they would have me try a new medication. Me, being a good patient and wanting to be healed would take the prescription for the whole amount of time. Nothing changed. Sometimes, the nausea was manageable. Other times it would wipe me out. The worst part of it, is the anxiety I have. Well, and when I have to ice my stomach and gag myself by the toilet for hours. Sometimes it hits in the middle of sleep, other times throughout the day. It has been trying.
But I don't usually tell people how sick I am. I go about my life. I run the PTA, am active in my son's baseball and my daughter's dance, etc. I attend events and just smile through the nausea. This year my anxiety and nausea hit an all time low. I was stuck on the couch, couldn't pick up the kids from school, couldn't eat a normal diet. I felt horrible. I scheduled a scope and started seeing a specialist.
They discovered I had inflammation in my stomach and a stomach hernia. Both of which they are not treating. There isn't much to do, according to them. It is hard because I sometimes have to leave family functions, or call my mom to help me with the kids because I feel so sick. It's hard to write it down and finally admit it. I don't like being weak and having to say I can't do things.
Once my kids started praying at night for their mommy to not have stomach aches, I had a break down. I don't want them to worry about me, they are kids and shouldn't have to. That was the worst thing for me.
I finally, after five years, decided to take things slower. Cancel plans and rest. I semi-quit PTA. If I have to go home, I no longer smile through the nausea. I go home and try to make it through in the comforts of my own home. I realized me being sick was affected my family too much and anyone or anything outside of my four walls, would have to wait.
Some of my close friends who knew about my health are the best and so understanding. My friend Katie will talk me through on those days when I feel awful and am crying because I can't leave the house. My mom is my saving grace. She will drop everything to help me when I am low. She helps with my kids, comes and cries with me because she hates seeing me sick and she accompanies me on late night visits to the doctors. I cannot say how much that means to me.
Bobby is seriously a saint. I often remind him that he said, "sickness or health" when we said our vows. He usually just smiles and reassures me of his love, although he doesn't have to. I feel so bad for him because I put a damper on things. I really don't like to travel unless I'm with him, because he knows what to do and how to make me feel better if I get sick. He doesn't ever get mad. He wakes in the middle of the night with me and will rub my back even though he is half asleep. He lets me keep the house freezing and just gets blankets when he's cold- I do worse if I'm hot. When I stress about letting other people down, he reminds me that this is our number one priority for me to get better. He talks me through things and listens to my theories. He is a GREAT comfort to me and he never makes me feel bad. I do plenty of that on my own.
I don't want to seem like a baby as I know many people have diagnosed ailments that are much worse. And everyday I thank God for the hand I've been dealt. I love my life, but it is hard to enjoy the moments that are meant to be enjoyed when you don't feel well, when you are losing sleep and your patience is low. I am just being honest, finally, about how I feel. And most days I feel sick....to my stomach. And it messes with my mind.
Because I am nauseous, I prefer to be home. Imagine that you have the stomach flu. You feel like you are about to puke. You are hot and clammy. You race to the toilet. Your stomach is turning, growling and in knots. Then you get there, but you don't puke. Just the feeling is there from 20 minutes to a couple hours. Do you want to be somewhere in a car? On vacation? No you probably want to be hovered over your own clean toilet. It's not normal, but that's how bad it can get with me. So it makes traveling really hard. Hell, it makes going to the grocery store hard on some days.
I continue to see a specialist. I have been on tons of medications over the years. The last couple months have been pretty bad, but I'm starting to feel better. I usually goes through highs and lows like that. I am always happy and thankful when it subsides a little. Recently I decided to stop taking EVERYTHING I was on. I have been having a pretty good month so far with only a couple bad days here and there.
The doctors continue to not know where the inflammation is coming from. Chances are there will be several more tests, although they tell me some patients are never diagnosed with a reason for the inflammation, which gives me very little hope, but I try and stay positive. I have made changes to my diet and even quit coffee, which makes me sad. I am willing to let go of anything that will make me better though.
I tell myself and the people I come in contact with, they cant depend on me for things because if I don't feel good I am not going to be uncomfortable. I am going to make getting better a priority and take some time to rest when I need to. It's OK to not be superwoman, although I try really hard sometimes to be that. This summer I'm looking forward to some rest, some places to visit (if I can make it) and taking some time to heal and solve this....
for me....
for Bobby.... and....mostly
for my kids!
But I don't usually tell people how sick I am. I go about my life. I run the PTA, am active in my son's baseball and my daughter's dance, etc. I attend events and just smile through the nausea. This year my anxiety and nausea hit an all time low. I was stuck on the couch, couldn't pick up the kids from school, couldn't eat a normal diet. I felt horrible. I scheduled a scope and started seeing a specialist.
They discovered I had inflammation in my stomach and a stomach hernia. Both of which they are not treating. There isn't much to do, according to them. It is hard because I sometimes have to leave family functions, or call my mom to help me with the kids because I feel so sick. It's hard to write it down and finally admit it. I don't like being weak and having to say I can't do things.
Once my kids started praying at night for their mommy to not have stomach aches, I had a break down. I don't want them to worry about me, they are kids and shouldn't have to. That was the worst thing for me.
I finally, after five years, decided to take things slower. Cancel plans and rest. I semi-quit PTA. If I have to go home, I no longer smile through the nausea. I go home and try to make it through in the comforts of my own home. I realized me being sick was affected my family too much and anyone or anything outside of my four walls, would have to wait.
Some of my close friends who knew about my health are the best and so understanding. My friend Katie will talk me through on those days when I feel awful and am crying because I can't leave the house. My mom is my saving grace. She will drop everything to help me when I am low. She helps with my kids, comes and cries with me because she hates seeing me sick and she accompanies me on late night visits to the doctors. I cannot say how much that means to me.
Bobby is seriously a saint. I often remind him that he said, "sickness or health" when we said our vows. He usually just smiles and reassures me of his love, although he doesn't have to. I feel so bad for him because I put a damper on things. I really don't like to travel unless I'm with him, because he knows what to do and how to make me feel better if I get sick. He doesn't ever get mad. He wakes in the middle of the night with me and will rub my back even though he is half asleep. He lets me keep the house freezing and just gets blankets when he's cold- I do worse if I'm hot. When I stress about letting other people down, he reminds me that this is our number one priority for me to get better. He talks me through things and listens to my theories. He is a GREAT comfort to me and he never makes me feel bad. I do plenty of that on my own.
I don't want to seem like a baby as I know many people have diagnosed ailments that are much worse. And everyday I thank God for the hand I've been dealt. I love my life, but it is hard to enjoy the moments that are meant to be enjoyed when you don't feel well, when you are losing sleep and your patience is low. I am just being honest, finally, about how I feel. And most days I feel sick....to my stomach. And it messes with my mind.
Because I am nauseous, I prefer to be home. Imagine that you have the stomach flu. You feel like you are about to puke. You are hot and clammy. You race to the toilet. Your stomach is turning, growling and in knots. Then you get there, but you don't puke. Just the feeling is there from 20 minutes to a couple hours. Do you want to be somewhere in a car? On vacation? No you probably want to be hovered over your own clean toilet. It's not normal, but that's how bad it can get with me. So it makes traveling really hard. Hell, it makes going to the grocery store hard on some days.
I continue to see a specialist. I have been on tons of medications over the years. The last couple months have been pretty bad, but I'm starting to feel better. I usually goes through highs and lows like that. I am always happy and thankful when it subsides a little. Recently I decided to stop taking EVERYTHING I was on. I have been having a pretty good month so far with only a couple bad days here and there.
The doctors continue to not know where the inflammation is coming from. Chances are there will be several more tests, although they tell me some patients are never diagnosed with a reason for the inflammation, which gives me very little hope, but I try and stay positive. I have made changes to my diet and even quit coffee, which makes me sad. I am willing to let go of anything that will make me better though.
I tell myself and the people I come in contact with, they cant depend on me for things because if I don't feel good I am not going to be uncomfortable. I am going to make getting better a priority and take some time to rest when I need to. It's OK to not be superwoman, although I try really hard sometimes to be that. This summer I'm looking forward to some rest, some places to visit (if I can make it) and taking some time to heal and solve this....
for me....
for Bobby.... and....mostly
for my kids!
If You Want to be Bryce's Friend...
About a year ago Bryce comes home and asks a question I wasn't quite ready for. He asks me if "gay" is a bad word. He is in first grade and the kids at school are using it. I tell him no and ask why and where he heard it. He said his friends were calling Justin Beiber gay. I'm a little caught off guard and then give him the best explanation on how I feel. It went similar to this:
Gay is not a bad word at all. Mostly a man likes a woman and a woman likes a man. Sometimes though, a man will like a man or a woman will like a woman. This is called gay. Like our uncles.
He shakes his head and says, "OH! I get it. But, is Justin Beiber gay?"
I tell him no. That a lot of times people will use the word gay in place of the word stupid and gives it a bad meaning. I then tell him I don't EVER want to hear him calling anything gay in the bad way because we love our uncles and that would hurt their feelings to hear that. And we don't want to hurt our family by using the word badly. I tell him hurting family is like hurting ourselves. So it was best to use gay only in the right way and not in place of calling something "bad."
He agrees he would never want to hurt some one's feelings and asks how come people are gay. I explain that God makes people all different ways.
At the end of the his second grade year, about a year after this conversation, he gets in the car and we are talking about his day. Leah mentions how he shouldn't play with this kid, Carlos because he isn't always nice. Bryce then said something that, as a parent, makes you tear up. I am proud that he gets "it" in the way I want him to.
He said, "Carlos is actually good now. I made him promise to stop saying gay and retarded in a bad way if he wanted to be my friend. And guess what? He promised he wouldn't say them."
I asked, "You said that?!?!"
He says, "Yeah mom, because Kyle is my friend (our friend with autism) and if they say that in a bad way, it will hurt him and because my uncles are gay, if they say that in a bad way it would hurt them. And I told him if you hurt my family and friends, you hurt me and I can't be your friend. And he agreed, so now he doesn't say those words."
I told him how proud of him I was for standing up for what is right and for what he believes in and there is nothing in this world that makes me more happy than him doing that. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. No big deal to him, but a major milestone to me!
Gay is not a bad word at all. Mostly a man likes a woman and a woman likes a man. Sometimes though, a man will like a man or a woman will like a woman. This is called gay. Like our uncles.
He shakes his head and says, "OH! I get it. But, is Justin Beiber gay?"
I tell him no. That a lot of times people will use the word gay in place of the word stupid and gives it a bad meaning. I then tell him I don't EVER want to hear him calling anything gay in the bad way because we love our uncles and that would hurt their feelings to hear that. And we don't want to hurt our family by using the word badly. I tell him hurting family is like hurting ourselves. So it was best to use gay only in the right way and not in place of calling something "bad."
He agrees he would never want to hurt some one's feelings and asks how come people are gay. I explain that God makes people all different ways.
At the end of the his second grade year, about a year after this conversation, he gets in the car and we are talking about his day. Leah mentions how he shouldn't play with this kid, Carlos because he isn't always nice. Bryce then said something that, as a parent, makes you tear up. I am proud that he gets "it" in the way I want him to.
He said, "Carlos is actually good now. I made him promise to stop saying gay and retarded in a bad way if he wanted to be my friend. And guess what? He promised he wouldn't say them."
I asked, "You said that?!?!"
He says, "Yeah mom, because Kyle is my friend (our friend with autism) and if they say that in a bad way, it will hurt him and because my uncles are gay, if they say that in a bad way it would hurt them. And I told him if you hurt my family and friends, you hurt me and I can't be your friend. And he agreed, so now he doesn't say those words."
I told him how proud of him I was for standing up for what is right and for what he believes in and there is nothing in this world that makes me more happy than him doing that. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. No big deal to him, but a major milestone to me!
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