When are you REALLY Done?

Content with my Two Cuties (one of my favorite fall pictures)

When I was younger, much younger, and didn't realize how much energy goes into raising one kid, I wanted like a trillion kids. Well, at least four, just like my family. There was never a dull moment growing up with three other siblings. At the time I didn't appreciate it, but realize that I long for the chaos that comes with a bigger family. But....

I am totally content with the two healthy happy little kids I have now. I dread being pregnant again. The thought of feeling sick and pushing and the whole bit doesn't appeal to me. I am not sure I want to start all over with infant car seats, cribs, diapers, bottles, the whole thing. But....

I also can not give away any of my infant things. We have an attic full of stuff that could warrant another baby boy or girl. SO MUCH STUFF! I just can't let it go. I am trying to do some soul searching to see if it is the memories I can't let go of or if it is the suppressed desire to have another baby.

As time passes between kids, I am leaning towards "no more kids," but there is always that little tiny voice saying, maybe?? But by no means am I sure. Bobby has agreed to have the procedure to make this all pretty permanent. Since I did have trauma done to my parts twice, he can definitely deal with an out patient surgery once. Recently, I thought I was for sure over the infant stage and told him to make the appointment. He said he wasn't ready.

It seems as though we can't get on the same page. When I think maybe, he is a no. When he thinks maybe, I am a no. All I know is.... until we are BOTH sure either way their will be no permanent decision making either way.

I just can't believe I may never smell that sweet smell of MY infant again. You know...the almost gross but sweet smell of their necks. It's a mix between spit-up and baby bath. Yes, I miss that smell. But....

Will you always miss that smell when you are done? Does there come a time when you wouldn't miss that smell? I mean look at those crazy people with 18-19 kids!! Did she just say, " I will miss the smell of that baby too much?" I think even when you know you are done, you will miss those beautiful infant moments, but maybe that doesn't mean having more kids for me.

We are constantly asked when we are having more kids. People are actually shocked when I tell them, probably not. They say, "I see you with more kids." I'm not sure what that means because I also saw myself with more kids but feel like I'm PROBABLY done. I'm not sure what I'd be trying for. I have everything I want in these two Lil kids. Perfectly content. And I know the feeling of wanting another one. Almost immediately after Bryce I wanted another baby. The desire isn't the same now, so I'm guessing that's a clue that we are done.

My worry is, although I say I'm done, in 3 years will I want another one? This all leads me to think no permanent solution is a good one for now...just in case. Wish I knew the answers so I could clean out the attic. I wonder how and when you know for sure. I don't want to end up with a baby right before menopause, when my two kids are entering college. Nope, we will have to decide before then.