Till Death Do "Some" Part

I'm not sure if it's our age, or it's a sign of the times, but it seems that many people we know are going through divorce. I would say half! It is a sad thing and whenever it happens, it has me reevaluate my marriage and what we can do to make sure it stays a happy marriage.

Bobby and I talk a lot about what it is to be married and what it is to be happy and about our future. I think people go into a marriage with expectations that do not line up with reality. When we talk about marriage Bobby teases that he assumed I would cook him dinner in lingerie every night. Ha! The truth is, those same ideas you got married with....change. I think the obstacle of a good marriage is to roll with those punches and change together.

I think it is how you make it though the difficult times, the respect and nurture that you show each other, will determine how strong your marriage is. Anyone can make it through bliss. The good times make it worth the lows. Anyone could make it if it was all peaches. Not everyone makes it because it's not all peaches. Make it though the lows gracefully and I believe you will always be married.


Hopefully we are part of the 50% who make it but if we are not, I will need to come back and eat or reread the following words.

Dear Husbands:
Love your wives. Love them when they are not-so lovable. Love them when they are ugly, inside and out. They may not always be the amazing woman you married. Love them anyway! I know I have had days that I am not at my best. When I feel ugly (perhaps not showered) and it shows in my attitude on the outside. All I needed in those moments of despair is for my husband to make me feel whole again, make me feel "pretty" and worthy, like the day he married me. And I believe this is the key for women. Make them feel loved. When you see them after they get ready - whistle. You may not even feel like they are worthy or deserving of it, but give it to them because that is what she needs. And if she can't get what she needs from her husband, what is the point of having one? Make her feel smart and beautiful- as I think this is the key to her happiness. Once she has had your children, make her feel like that is the most amazing thing she could have ever done for you and how much you worship that gift. Some days she will be worn from all of it: keeping it all together with the kids, the cleaning, the working and looking great while making love like a porn star. Tell her you notice the effort. And if she's not making the effort, let her know how much you appreciated it when she did, so that she can become the woman you fell in love with once again.

Dear Wives:
Love your husbands. Love them and make them feel like men. Give them plenty of physical contact because that's how they equate their emotions. Support them with their careers and tell them how much you appreciate the security of a man. How you feel safe and secure when they are home. Without that security, what is the point of having a husband? Give them love and perhaps, bj's- just because. Bobby said they should be called blowfun instead of jobs, because it sounds like a duty instead of something great. Ha! Love your husbands and give them love even when they are annoying and watch too many sports because deep down, you appreciate their "kid at heart" attitudes and wish you could be as carefree as they are. Let him know that he is a great Dad. Tell him how much you appreciate the help bathing and dressing the kids. They may not always do it right, but if they are doing it at all that is something that should not go unnoticed. Make them their favorite food, just to let them know you are trying. TRY! Men are simple and really do appreciate the smaller things, like sexy underwear, you smiling, or a home cooked meal.  The man that you married and fell in love with is in there and will come out with a little coax.


That is my theory. I read it to Bobby just to make sure it was accurate. He said it's accurate for us, but everyone is different and that may not be what they need. I agree. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'm praying I have the answers for what it takes for us two to stay together. Bottom line, talk and see what it is you may need.

We don't get married to a person we can't stand. At some point you loved that person and recreating and changing what that love was and is will be the key to a happy marriage, I hope! Maybe some people are just not meant to be and will find this happiness with someone else. I'm not sure if divorce is right or wrong. Maybe if there is only one person willing to make it work, it can't work. Maybe there had to be something there to begin with or the rest self destructs. I hope and pray, as we enter our 11th year of marriage this week, we find the answers that work best for us! Love and happiness to all!