Hope Floats?

I have been struggling lately. Perhaps, I'm an over thinker but my whole outlook on life has been changing and not in the best way. While everything in my personal life is going awesome, my views on the outside world is not.

I used to be such a hopeful person who believed in change and faith in humanity. Not. So. Much. Anymore. And it is making me sad... how do I get hope back?

Politics, the news, my belief in good people is losing optimism. Maybe this new outlook comes with age. I have heard of the cynical old people versus the hopeful youth. Maybe turning 28 has crossed me to the cynical stage. At any rate, it seems like caring is something for fools. Let me try to explain...

I have always had an interest in government, the issues, voting, the whole you can make a difference. There seems to be just too much grey matter now, for me. It seems as though everyone is shouting at the top of their lungs for what they believe to be right, not hearing the other side; no compromise in sight. It is tiring to convince someone what you believe to be right. It seems impossible to reach a conclusion with such opposite sides of the spectrum. It's almost as if we live in two different countries with democratic and republican views. People say things only to offend half of their friends and get confirmation from the other half. Really?! The only way we feel validated is when we are preaching to the choir. How then, do we see any change without an understanding of the opposition? Not. Gonna. Happen.

Then there is me. Strong in my beliefs, but not so strong I can't see the other point. Then I start to think that this must be from a lack of conviction in my own thoughts, because everyone else seems so sure. How are they sure they know what is best for our country? From their couches, I'm sure the answers seem so simple. I imagine they feel the same way about our current president, as I felt about our last. We get to a point where we are fighting so hard for our own sides, both sides fail and cannot celebrate any victories or change to the current system.

Although I have not looked up current statistics to share, I can go from my own experiences and examples. And what are stats anyway?! We can all find evidence to support our views. But here is the confusion.

I know people who take advantage of our system. Find ways to lie and get all they can. No one wants to pay for these people, but they seem to be the ones who benefit the most from our busted system. I know people who would benefit from assistance from our government, but don't qualify because they are too honest. These are single moms who are going to school to make a better life for themselves, but somehow by exerting any effort for their future, can't qualify for food on their tables. These are the people who deserve our tax money, but don't qualify for it. So I believe that help is needed. I want to help. I want to pay taxes for people who need these programs. I believe in these programs, but the programs are failing to those who need the help and enabling those who are taking advantage. Big. Mess. No. Hope.

Watching the news is another doosey. You can do everything right in your own life and some a-hole can come and strip you of everything. Killings, rapes, child molesters....really?! Why is the world so ugly? And how do you stop it? I have no clue and am losing hope in the fact that someone may know how to fix it. I am losing hope that it can even be fixed.

I cried the other day. Wept more like. I was watching Leah sing and dance and my eyes just welled up with tears. An hour before this, the news reported finding Chelsea King's body. As I watched Leah, I imagined Chelsea's parents. How they must have done everything by the books and right. Loved their daughter, as I do mine. How they admired her, listened to her sing, much like the way Leah's voice sounded like the sweetest thing I have ever heard. How can it be that you do everything right and live your life loving, just the way you are intended to, and be robbed of that joy from someone who did this type of crime before? If I saw the man today, I'd shoot him myself.

So part of me wants to go on, living my life in this bubble we have created, that is comfortable and joyful and without heartache. I want to not care about politics and what is going on in the news because I feel like there is no hope to fix it anyway. But then I realize that by not being involved, by losing hope, by ignoring what is broken, by staying in my bubble I will still be effected by the outside world. I can be robbed of this joy the same way Chelsea's parents were.

I know this is a bit of a ramble and if you are still with me reading this, how do you hold on to hope and how do we arrive at change?

I used to believe in all the great quotes:

"There is no doubt a small group of people can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever has."

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Yaddy-yaddy- yadda!

Now those hopeful messages just seem false. And I'm sad. Maybe I need more examples of hope. I saw Blind Side and was so happy, that I decided to read Precious, another advertised hope-filled story. At the end of that book, I thought if this is what they are selling as hope for our youth, there is no hope. At the end, she was still not going to find the happiness she deserved and my heart hurt. And there are true stories like Precious'.

I try to fix my complaints and volunteer. Put your money (and time) where your mouth is. I believe kids are the most important thing in the world, so I need to make a difference and help out there. Even this task has left me with a feeling of very little hope. We put on an event. Spend hours and hours of time volunteering so the kids have something to look forward to, and do you know what happens?! We have other parents, who do NOT volunteer making complaints about lighting and noise levels. Seriously?! I am losing faith in people EVERYDAY!

This may not seem like a big deal to some people, who never had hope in people the way I did. Maybe most of you already knew that the world is ugly. But for me, this feeling is a shocker! I have never been so pessimistic in my life and need to get back to having some faith in humanity.

There are people who never loose that. I will leave you with a story I keep replaying in my head because it is one of the only things that is helping me keep the hope. My great friend is a social worker. She will often call me with horrid stories about children and things she sees. It breaks my heart to no end. She is out there, helping one child at a time, do what is best, even if there is no sure option for what will be best. She was telling me a story about some kids she reunited with their mom. The mom was a drug addict and the kids were placed in foster care. The mom went through the programs and was clean long enough to get them back.

My pessimistic attitude was telling her, that mom doesn't deserve those kids back and that how does she feel comfortable placing them back in the home. She explained to me that sometimes, foster care isn't the best place for these kids either. She told me they will always favor reuniting the children back with their parents, as long as the parents take the steps to get their kids back. She was asking if I had anything to donate to the mom because she was newly back on her feet and needed a lot. I kept asking her about how she feels about this mom.

She said that sure she worries about putting the kids back into this home. She worried about putting them in the foster care program too. I asked her what happens if the mom relapses. She said of course that is a possibility. I asked how she remains so positive about the mom and kids and the whole messy situation. It seems doomed!

She said all she can do is hope and have faith. Day by day, clean drug test after clean drug test. This mom loves her kids enough to stay clean. The mom got clean just to get those kids back and she has to believe that love will keep her straight. I don't think I could do that without judging her. But here is my friend, on the front lines of change, believing in people to do the right thing in the most grim circumstances. If she can keep her faith and hope, maybe I can get mine back!