Leah's Lost Tooth

At the end of Leah's first grade year, I asked her how she liked 1st grade. She said she loved it except for the fact she didn't ever get on the "tooth board." When kids would loose a tooth, they got to go up on a bulletin board. She was probably the only one in the entire grade level who hadn't lost a tooth! I told her eventually, they will come out.

After summer came and went, I was wondering if she would ever loose her baby teeth. Part of me didn't really care if she ever did, because she looked so darn cute with her tiny little teeth. It kept her looking more like a baby, and let's face it, loosing teeth is somewhat of an awkward looking stage for kids. I finally took her to the dentist to make sure everything was OK. He confirmed that everything was fine and her big teeth were there and that it would happen.

She used to tell me, "Mom I have a lose tooth!!!" I would check and have to tell her, "Honey, it's not loose." Darn.

Until one day, it was finally loose! She was 7 and a half!

Now that is was loose, you'd think she'd want that thing out so the tooth fairy could come. NOPE. Now that it was about to fall out she was nervous and didn't want it to come out. All this hype and she became scared to pull it. The thing was barely hanging on!

My parents decided to take the kids to the marina to watch the parade of lights in December. I get this picture in the morning....

She was so excited and I was too! She waited so long, it fell out while she was brushing her teeth and didn't even notice it! She realized later when she was looking in a mirror. My mom had to search the bathroom floor for the tiniest tooth. She found it and put it in a zip-lock bag.

When we got there later for the parade, she wanted to show us her tooth. My mom and Bobby both told her to wait until later so we didn't lose the tooth. So, she did what any smart girl would do and she went and asked Grandpa to get her tooth.

"Sure!!" he said. She came and showed it to me. It was so tiny, I could barely see it in the bag! We all made a huge deal about it and she was so happy. I'm not sure what happened from point A to point B, but when we went to leave later....we couldn't find the damn tooth.

We searched high and low all over my dad's boat. She starts crying because she had waited so long to loose that tooth and now she didn't have one to put under the pillow! I felt like a super bad mom! How could I misplace her first tooth! Bobby and my mom continued to say how they knew it'd get lost and they said to not bring it out, blah, blah, blah. We check the trash. No where to be found.

After an hour of looking, Bobby draws the line and says we will just have to write the tooth fairy a letter. Leah is bawling her poor little eyes out. Someone says they took the trash to the main dock trash and maybe it got put in there. Bobby is like, "Hell no! We are not dumpster diving for the tooth!"

I feel awful and am so dumpster diving for her tooth. He is so annoyed, Leah is still crying and I feel like crap.

We go and of course Bobby tells me he will be the one to go look in the trash for the tooth. What a guy! We wait in the car with our fingers crossed that the tooth will be found. He walks back to the car....

empty handed.

It's over. The tooth fairy will be getting a note from Leah.

We leave and Leah is still so sad. About ten minutes into the drive, we get a call from my dad. I answer, "Please tell me you found the tooth."

He said "Yep!"

Come to find out, I set it on the bed next to the kitchen. My mom went to put the hot dogs away in a zip-lock bag. She took one out and then saw the one on the bed and thought she had already took a bag out. As she laid in bed, she remembered the bag and thought that it must have been the one with the tooth. She gets up, looks in the hot dog bag and there was the dang tooth!!

Leah decides to wait for the next day when we get the actual tooth, so she can actually put it under the bed. She waited so long to have this experience, I felt for her!

She has now lost her second tooth. We won't soon forget her first tooth though! We joke with her telling her tooth really wanted to eat one more hot dog before the tooth fairy took it. Phew. Almost really messed that one up!

I-I-I I Workout!

I decided when I turned thirty I was going to get into the best shape of my life. What a long journey this has been! My weight has fluctuated 40 pounds up and down since I graduated high school. When I first began, I wasn't very consistent with my workouts or diet. I finally got more serious in November of 2012 and started working with my trainer in January of 2013.

I know my body has changed, but I'm a normal woman and was feeling as though I still hadn't made enough progress. People will comment on how I look and to be honest, it is such a slow process sometimes I don't feel like much change has happened.

Bobby must have had enough of me talking about my progress, or lack thereof, and had me take a picture in a swimsuit to look at. Most women dread bikini pictures, and I am no different. I started to look back at old pictures of myself and comparing them to the one he took. This was so important to me because for the first time, I realized how far I have come! I am more motivated now to stay fit and keep going to shed some more body fat and pounds.

*Yes, I'm wearing sparkly heels...if you know me, you know I had to. **Yes I used a freakin' filter. I am a mom, don't be ridiculous ;) *** I was going to post a before pic, but ain't nobody want to see that!

There are some things I have learned along the way about myself and being healthy that I'd like to share.

1.) Just make up your mind and do it. Once you make up your mind you will have to keep making up your mind everyday, at every meal, at every workout. Sometimes your mind will say, "No way!" and it will take you to the In-N-Out drive thru. That's OK. Don't blow your whole day or week. You can make up your mind again and get back on track at the next meal.

2.) BE REALISTIC! Be realistic about your body type and shape. Be realistic about how long progress will take. Be realistic about your lifestyle and how this will all fit in.

3.) Do it for yourself. You really have to have a drive that says you are in competition with yourself. Besides all the people who will look better or be stronger than you, you will be a better version of yourself and that's what counts most. And you have to know it is OK to invest time in yourself!

4.) Celebrate EVERY POUND and success. Give yourself a pat on the back for every good decision you make. It's hard, you deserve to smile, no matter how tiny the victory is, it's HUGE!

5.) The smaller the goal, the better. I was so overwhelmed with my long term goal. I used to feel the same way about long drives. I would break the drive up by making it to certain monuments or exits and it seemed shorter. Everything seems manageable for a short period.

6.) Plan, plan and plan. Meal prepping helped me stay on track more than I originally thought it could. When my meals were already made, it makes it simple to make the better choice. Also, when I go out to eat, I make up my mind about what I'll have before I go. I look up the nutritional values and make the healthiest choice. We are a very social bunch and this part is important, as we eat out a lot. I wasn't going to bring in my own food, but I always have a plan for when we do go out. I pretty much know what I will eat at EVERY restaurant in town!

7.) Surround yourself with people who support you and cheer for you. Positive people can really keep you on track.

8.) Play tricks! I tell myself totally weird things, like that junk food will make me sick or give me food poisoning. And I believe myself.

9.) If you buy it, you will eat it. Seriously, I'm addicted to chips. I can't buy them.

10.) Don't deprive yourself. A little bit can go a long way if you crave it! Two chocolate kisses after a meal will do the trick!

This post will seem super positive and happy but the truth of the matter is, I really go through times where I am not positive at all about exercising and clean eating. I get down about progress and have low self esteem. But my attitude overall, about life and health and fitness has improved. And I am so thankful and proud of what my body can do! For example, I never thought I'd be running for 3 miles! I still don't love running, but feel the need and even crave a good run.

I still have months of work to reach my final goal. I thought it would be a good time to share my journey and how great I have been feeling. But I do mess up and cheat. I don't even want to call it cheating. I make a decision, that sometimes living is more important than cellulite. If we are celebrating with the kids at the ice cream shop, I am not going to sit that celebration out. I just get the smaller size now! I will not miss any of my kids practices or games or really anything in order to look better. Two hours in the gym a day is not really practical with our schedule. And I will still have an adult beverage to relax after a long week! But I do what I can, when I can to be healthy.

There are some people who I want to mention in this post about my journey because I think so many people will play a role in your success or failure in reaching any goal.

There is no way I would have stuck to it if I didn't have Bobby as my biggest support. The man is smart!! I am so glad he talked me out of doing fad diets and convinced me to only eat in a way I can maintain for the rest of my life. I will not drink shakes for the rest of my life or never again eat a carb. He really always took time to explain to me about balance. It also helps that no matter what weight I am, he whistles at me when I come downstairs after getting ready. I am lucky he always has made me feel good about myself! I also appreciate the fact he is dead set against surgery or quick fixes! I used to threaten that liposuction is much faster than this process. He convinced me that we are do it yourself people and this was no different. How easy is it to hire someone to do stuff around the house? How accomplished do we feel when we do it? He was right! I feel pretty proud of the work I put in. He is super patient with me, well, either super patient or can tune me out really good, especially when a Dodger game is on.

This journey of mine has really become a journey for our family to be aware of a healthy lifestyle. We still have fun and live, but we are always aware of foods and exercise. Some of my favorite workouts are as a family, whether it is riding bikes or having a dance party or just challenging each other. No better way to make it fun! The kids ask questions about eating healthy, and calories and exercise. I hope this has created a foundation for fitness in their lives.

My friends have played such a huge part in my fitness journey! It is so important to surround yourself with positive people who will cheer for you and pick you up when you are feeling down. My good friend Penny and I decided that instead of sitting at our kids' baseball practices and talking, we should run instead to try and get a workout in. I don't know how long I would have stuck to it if she wasn't encouraging me on days I didn't feel up to it. We really held each other accountable and made good use of our time. She is one of the sweetest people and I really would have given up if it wasn't for her.

Our husband's would probably tease us to no end if they could read the texts, my friend Melissa and I exchange in a day. She is so supportive and it is so fun to have someone to text what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We totally get each other and laugh and complain about the roller coaster that is dieting and exercise. I would probably be insane if I couldn't vent to her.

I am excited to talk about my trainer Jesse! This is one of the best investments I have made in myself. Women will spend money on so many things to make themselves feel better, let me suggest taking that money and putting it towards a better you. At first it was hard to justify adding the expense into the budget. Like many moms, spending money on themselves, instead of on their family, seemed like a foreign idea. Having a trainer started out as a luxury to me, but has become a necessity. My success couldn't have come without him. When you make a date with yourself and you know you are paying, you are less likely to cancel or come up with a reason not to go. I always knew he would be expecting me and I knew I had to fit it in- no matter how busy I was. The workouts are planned, he counts my reps and holds me accountable. It is a couple hours a week that I have to myself, and something that betters me. I always leave feeling a million times better than when I walked in, even when I can barely walk out because my legs are shaking. I really have developed a friendship with my trainer and can't say enough about his positive attitude and willingness to help others with their fitness journey. He definitely has found his passion and place in the world transforming people's lives.


OK, sorry if that was a little acceptance speech-ish. I thanked everyone but my mama! Speaking of my mama, my family is the most awesome cheerleaders. But they love me and cheer for me at any weight and always tell me I'm good enough already. I didn't win any award or trophy, I know, but just wanted to acknowledge some awesome people who have really made all the difference in my quality of life.


One of the most exciting things to celebrate is my health. My mental health and physical health has improved so much. People have asked me what I've been doing to lose weight so I thought I'd write about it and really share my excitement and passion for fitness. I really hope I can keep this up and that you will want to start, or keep up your hard work! I've lost 10% body fat and have 4% more to lose! Wish me luck!!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Recently, I experienced mom-heartache. Something so simple, marks the end of a period in time. I know the cliche about kids growing up before your eyes and to cherish things while you can. "You're Gonna Miss This,"  by Trace Atkins sums it up so nicely, in a way only country music can.

While I can't wait for my kids to grow up, I want to slow it down as much as I can. I'm excited for their futures and the possibilities of what they can become and do. In those ways, I welcome time passing. But then I realize that with each stage of independence, I have to say good-bye to the parts that make my babies....well, my babies. Too often we wish for them to be able to walk, only to miss them needing us to be mobile. I really do try to savor each stage, knowing they don't last for long. There were days, (mostly toddler days) when I wished they could be more independent, only because my life would become a little easier. There were days when I really wished we could just skip the tantrum stage and go straight to the well-behaved older kid stage, because surely at some age they act right! I love how when kids don't act right - it's a stage and when they do - it's because of wonderful parenting.

This moment is frozen in time....

It is a natural instinct for me to reach for my kids' hands when we are walking. I like to hold their hands. It's comforting. I never thought about what age they stop holding your hand. I mean, I know I don't see teenagers walking around the mall holding their parents' hands, but when exactly does that change?

Heart-break. While walking into the mall, I reached down and held Leah's hand. Right away she grabbed mine. With my other hand, I reached out to hold Bryce's. He held mine back. FOR LIKE A SECOND. He awkwardly and quickly pulled his hand away. I reached for it again and he evaded my search for his. I looked at him confused. He just smirked but his eyes looked sad.

I asked, "Don't you want to hold my hand?"

He shyly replied, trying his best not to hurt my feelings, " I DO WANT TO Mom, its just...." And his little voice trailed off.

I tried my best to keep it together. My little guy! My buddy! When did he get old enough to know it wasn't cool to walk around the mall holding my hand?

I said it's OK. I understood. He stated again. "I really DO like holding your hand, Mom, I just can't."

I think it really hit home about how old Bryce is getting. I couldn't be more proud of how intelligent he is, not only in school, but in life. He's compassionate and caring and even knew how to make me feel better about not holding his hand. He was always such a perfect baby and is growing into a well-rounded little person. He does well at whatever he tries, but is always eager to learn more. His mind is so open to new things and now his hands can be open to new things as well.

It is pretty symbolic. I mean, you have to let go of their hand at some point, right? I still reach down for his hand, without even thinking about it. He still pulls away and then smirks at me. I guess there is no going back now.

And while this milestone can bring me to tears, I'm OK. He's OK. And you know what? He will still come up to me (even in front of his friends) and give me the best, big hug. He holds on super tight and for a long time. I squeeze back as hard as I can, without hurting the poor boy, and I savor it. One day those hugs will be quicker, if they even exist at all when he's a teenager. I never knew you could be so happy about something and so sad at the same time, with one big sweep of emotion.

My baby is growing up.

8/14/2003 Bryceman 

                                                                   

Happy Friggin' New Year

We decided to have a party at our house for New Year's Eve. Well, not really. We had planned to go to my brother's house. The quickest thing you learn as a parent, is things don't usually go as planned. So, like I was saying, we had a lice party at our house.

The new running joke is that Leah got lice for Christmas. Along with her cousin Tynli. The family that plays together, gets lice together. This is the gift that keeps on giving!

I am really cautious about a lot of infectious diseases, but for some reason I never had a paranoia for lice. I have received notices home from school saying we had been exposed, but we never caught it. No one close to me (that I know of) has ever had lice. To me, it seemed hard to contract.

Well, now that we contracted it, it seems hard to get rid of. The work that goes into cleaning everything properly and perform head inspections is exhausting. After five days of treating Leah and the house, we really thought we were in the clear. I know the box said to retreat in 7 days, but I thought this was a precautionary tale about what happens if you don't clean like a mad lady, like I had. I was planning on retreating on day 7 anyway.

New Year's Eve (day 6 in lice terms) I'm doing my normal head check on Leah and discover that the lice isn't all the way gone. I start to freak out because I have been swimming in her hair all week. I assumed after the initial shampooing it will disappear. Wrong. Immediately, I have Bobby check my head. He said he wasn't sure but he thinks he saw something?

I go upstairs and do what any mother would do. I started bawling my eyes out. After a week of careful cleaning and head inspections, we had to start all over. Not to mention, lice gives me the creeps. I mean, I am not an insect lover to begin with and the thought of bugs and eggs (vomit) in Leah's hair and my own is enough to send me off a cliff.

Bobby comes upstairs, fully aware of my mental state and reassures me it will be OK. I'm pretty sure that it won't be OK because I can't stop crying. Then Bobby does what he does best and makes everything better. He said this is such a short period of time of discomfort and at least we had Leah here in the first place to search her head for lice.

And with that, everything seemed lighter. We would bring in the New Year, just us four, which with a big family doesn't happen often. No one wanted to come visit with our current state and I didn't blame them. We would watch a movie on the couch and get take-out since I was in no mood for cooking. The kids would stay up for the countdown, even though Bobby and Bryce both took a little snoozer before hand. It really was a special holiday because even in this unfortunate circumstance, we are so fortunate to have each other to laugh and live with.

And if I really could change it, I wouldn't choose to be away from our families at Christmas. We get to spend time with so many people we love and that may expose us to many things, but I would give Tynli a big hug regardless.

I'm still not sure if I full on have lice, but decided to treat both of our heads. This process for long, thick hair takes at least two hours. Bobby, being the wonderful husband he is, went through my hair for a couple hours to make sure I was in the clear. Insert many jokes here. Have I ever mentioned how important it is to be able to laugh with your spouse? We had to laugh through this experience a lot. The next couple days will be full of tons more laundry and plastic bagging everything we own, but I'm pretty sure this will be the end of lice. And the beginning of a new paranoia for me.

Looking forward to more of the same (minus lice) in 2013, with less cussing, more working out and more writing!

DHW the great

Last night we lost an amazing man in our family. Grandpa was 87 years old! What a life he had and made for all of us. When I think of where Bobby and I are today I can't help but think of the wonderful grandparents we have had to influence the life we enjoy. Don lived for love of God, family and country.

We loved hearing him talk about the house he built in New York with his own two hands. He talked about how hard it was to get a loan. He was so proud of building that house and when he talked about it, you could tell. Those kind of men are rare nowadays. He was a self starter. He uprooted his family to California, all five of his kids and wife, to find a job and better life. This decision he made, led me to meet Bobby. Nothing happens by chance or accident. I realize how his work ethic has shaped the man I married. What a positive role model he was about living the American dream and being proud of a humble life, rich with family.

He served our country in the Navy. He was so proud of being American and being a democrat. His beliefs and love for our country made this younger generation feel connected to a bigger picture. And although our family is divided between the two parties, I believe that his love and commitment to the country is what caused any of us to care so much in the first place. That our place and fight could matter. He told his daughter Donna before he passed to use the picture of him campaigning for Clinton at the funeral. It was one of his favorites.

His marriage to Zella was heart warming. His dedication to her and their kids (no matter what) stays in my mind. He said it wasn't always easy but it was worth it. When I visited him once in the hospital, he was as upset as I'd ever seen him. His wife, was having a procedure done at a different hospital and he couldn't be there when she needed him. What he said to me and the look in his eyes, showed me a love that people dream about having. I think it's one that comes with some heart ache and trials but in the end, is the most beautiful thing to witness. Watching them hold hands at the end was so emotional for me to see. The stories he would tell of their courtship would entertain us all, and sometimes with a roll of her eyes, and a smile, you could feel the love between them.

He is in heaven now and that is very comforting to me. He lost a daughter and his twin brother and the thought of them being reunited makes our pain ease a bit. Telling my kids was hard. Bryce understands loss a little too well now at his age.

Sometimes it hurts just because you can't take the hurt away for others.

I am so happy that I married into a family where family truly comes first. The care he received in his last months from his kids and wife should be the standard of how we treat our loved ones when they require that much care. I hope they all can find some peace now and be proud of the love they showed him. I am extremely proud of them and especially my mother-in-law. To see her be such a comfort to him was emotional and I could only hope one day to be that person to someone as well.

It is weird when these moments in life occur. You expect the world to stop for a second and take pause. It is both a blessing and a curse that life keeps going.

Thank you DWH the great, for being such a wonderful person. You will be greatly missed at the dinner table.

Celebrating Moms (and kids)

Today we celebrate moms. I've been sort of emotional today. Couldn't read the poem on the back of Leah's hand print without tearing up. Bryce wrote the sweetest heartfelt letter to me. Teared up. Took my mother-in-law to church. Teared up there several times. Not full on crying, just touched. I feel so fortunate to have this role. There are days like this, when all the tears are happy ones. There are days when the tears are overwhelmed ones, you know, the ones where you lock yourself in the bathroom and just cry. I had one of those this week too, when I realized it would take me 6 hours to get my house looking spic and span. And so on this day we honor mothers for all the tears and sweat they put into their kids and families.

But today, I really felt like I should be celebrating my kids. After all, they are the ones who gave me the greatest purpose. They deserve this day (although everyday is all about them).Without kids, I'm not sure I would have learned that the world doesn't revolve around me. They have made me understand what it is to be unselfish. To put others needs and comforts above your own. They give me a reason to get out of bed every morning and try to make the best of things, even when things aren't going according to plan (every. Monday.). I can write every cliche about parenting here because they are all true!

They make me proud everyday in different ways. I hang on their every word because the stuff that comes from those little heads amuses me. I can't imagine a life without those moments daily. They make me feel rich in emotion. So today I celebrate them, because they have made me a better person, bottom line.

Does Church Make You a Better Person?

I have always viewed religion as something deeply personal. Something that does not need explanation or flaunting. I believe in letting your life speak for itself. When you love something it shows. I don't know if it is my age (I just past a pretty huge milestone) or if it because my mind does not shut off, but religion has been on my mind a lot lately. I thought writing it out will help me put some of these thoughts to rest. Does church make you a better person? I am not writing this to put people who attend church down. I am writing because this is the question that keeps popping up in my head. I struggle with this.

There are plenty of things I don't understand about religion. I will most likely spend the rest of my life researching the answers. I consider myself deeply spiritual. This doesn't mean I'm too lazy to go to church, but I have a hard time identifying with churches. I attend Catholic church when I go, which isn't often. I am debating about going more regularly, but struggle with many things about that. I was married in this church and my kids were baptised in it. I relate best to this, probably because it is what I know the most about and am familiar with. I am connected to this church through my belief in the bible, my family beliefs and soul searching. I like going and feeling connected to God and others who are believers. It makes my faith stronger.

Even when I do not attend church weekly, I pray, throughout my whole day. My kids say prayers every night. I thank God throughout the day for little things, like feeling healthy, having a car to drive, having money to buy the things we want and need, living in America, feeling connected to my family, etc.

I know verses of the bible and find great comfort in many of them, although I am not an expert and won't quote bible verses from memory. The belief seems to be that if you do not identify with a church and tie yourself to it closely, you are viewed as less religious. I am very secure in my beliefs and what I teach my kids. I don't think it is fair to make comparisons about who is closer to God based on appearances at church. Some people like to shout it from the rooftops and while I do admire that kind of passion, it isn't how I feel more spiritual.

I want my kids to have a strong faith, but there may come a day when they don't. I don't like to think that will happen but they are free to believe what they want. I want them to make their own decisions. I want them to question. I want them to find the answers to their own spirituality. I hope that what I teach them gives them a good enough understanding and faith. I wonder if church will help them or not. I've seen other people become more faithful through church, but I have also seen it make them less.

I struggle so much with many things with church. I'm not in a position to tell others how to live their lives. That is for each individual to decide for themselves. To live for themselves. If they don't believe in God, that is also between them and themselves.

It doesn't affect how I live, or MY relationship with God.

Judgemental attitudes draw me away from church. I have a problem when people feel higher than others based on beliefs. People preach about parts of the bible but leave out other parts. Bottom line, we are all sinners and I don't need to walk around and point out other people's shortcomings. Most of us know where we fall, in regards to where we are with our faith. I don't feel like Jesus would have wanted us to use him to feel superior. I feel that many times people use their voice to preach about the bible but forget to ask themselves how Jesus would have treated some of the people they are preaching about.

There are so many religions. Another thing I struggle with understanding. I don't discredit ones I don't belong to, because there are several interpretations of God's word. I use the bible and it's beautiful verses to live a better life. I want my children to know the love Jesus has for us. I want to use his example to live up to. Although we will all fall short, what a beautiful way to be, with compassion and forgiveness in your heart. I think this can be learned and strengthened through church, but I also feel it can be achieved at home, with less judgement. Do you follow EVERYthing from church or is it interpretive?

If something doesn't make sense to my heart, but it is in the bible, I follow my heart. Because in me, that is where Jesus lives. And Jesus and my heart would not mislead me.

She's a Beaut

There she is! The one he's been waiting for his whole life!! I am excited to announce the newest addition to our family, this truck!! We have been working pretty hard to finally purchase it. I am seriously so excited for Bobby. This is HIS first brand spanking new car. I have had two. He always gets the leftovers. I think it was well worth the wait. He said it was more than he wanted or expected. I know it's just a car but I really wanted to express my joy for Bobby. He is such a hard working guy. He doesn't complain. He sacrifices his personal wants for the better of our family and he doesn't even bring it up. But I notice all the small things he does. He has just been so patient in getting this. It makes me so happy to see him happy.

We traded in the ol' Saturn for her too. It was time. Bryce balled his eyes out. I also cried a bit. It's funny how attached we became to our little family wagon. We brought Leah home from the hospital. Brought home our Christmas trees in her. Took family vacations. Bryce has drove in that car since he was 1! We were so sad to trade her in but this truck is going to be a blast for the whole family. We can tow the boat now. We are also looking forward to getting a truck camper and making tons of memories. I got demoted back to the old civic! One thing is for sure, we keep our cars for a long time and I think Bobby will have this truck until he's too old to drive it!

Now the kids are trying to name it. My dad has a black truck like it and he named it the "Black Pearl." So far Bryce wants to name her Shakira or The Babe, after Babe Ruth. Leah wants to name it Biebs, after Justin Bieber. My dad suggested The Great White Shark. One of those names will stick, and I really don't think it will be the Biebs.

Romance with the Kids

This year we didn't make any plans  for the big v-day. Bobby and I decided to not get presents for each other since we were trying to save up for a big purchase. Flowers still found their way to me and slippers to him. Guess it's the small little gestures that make us feel nice. I don't want to do the math in my head right now, but we have been together....for a long time. Since we don't have an actual day we can remember dating we celebrate our "together" anniversary on Valentine's day. We both worked during the day and I enjoyed seeing the kids do their celebrations at school. Somehow Bobby sent me one of the grams our school sells for the students. It was a sweet little delivery! Bryce was really sweet and wrote Leah the sweetest Valentine card. It is so "them" and it brought some tears to my eyes. We decided to go to dinner way early to beat the crowds. We really wanted to hang out with our little valentines too, so they came along to celebrate. We ate at my favorite restaurant, "The Lemon Leaf." Then we hit up the candy store. Topped of with a movie on the couch. Perfect day to celebrate love with the people in my life that make me feel that special daily.

Ditch Day

Bryce had a doctor's appointment "down below." It's funny that this is what people from the AV say when we have to head to LA. Since we were already half way there, I decided to make a fun day out of it and make use of our passes to Disneyland. My parents met me there. It was such a fun day! We were sad to not have Bobby there. Someone has to work I guess. The lines were short and I enjoyed every minute of ditch day. I love that every time we are doing something fun my kids thank me and tell me it was the best day ever. Even if we are just going to get ice cream, it's the best day ever, ha! We really had one of the best ditch days ever!

Masquerade Ball

We had a fun little evening out to celebrate Morgan's 50th birthday (my brother's mother-in-law). It was a ton of fun and of course spending time with my family and extended family is a bonus. It was a dinner cruise around the marina. Bobby surprised me and booked a room for the night. The kids loved staying in the hotel! The next day we went for a joy ride on my dad's boat. I was feeling well, for a change, and really had a great time. When we were out on the water, it was perfectly calm. Everyone was smiling and loving the day. I couldn't help but become taken over with emotion looking out at the vastness of the ocean and thanking God for a perfect day with people I love.

School is IN!

School started and I felt a little lost. The first day I did pretty good. The second day I felt sad. I went to the office and was a little teary-eyed. Well, the secretarty mentioned they had to open a new kindergarten class and wondered if I'd want to do it since I had free time now. I would be at the school to see my kids, so I accepted the job, not knowing how long it would be for. They said until they hired a permanent teacher.

So even more change! The job lasted two months. I was a full time working teacher with two school aged kids. I was really glad I took the kindergarten job. It was great money and I got to see Leah at lunch everyday and I grew really close with my class. But boy oh boy, was I exhausted. There is a special place in heaven for kinder teachers!

Leah LOVES school. She gets her homework done on the first day she gets it, she is very popular and has adjusted so well. When I finally stopped working and she wasn't seeing me everyday there was a bit of an adjustment period for her but she is used to not seeing me there everyday now!

Bryce is doing very well. His report card is great and he got to participate in a GATE activity painting cubism art. He loved it. He gets to play beyblades during recess and soccer. He is a well adjusted 3rd grader!

Summer Wrap Up

I started writing this in Summer (told you I'm behind). I LOVE summer! I love not having a routine, or places to go. Some days we stayed in our pajamas ALL day, and loved it! We also had a fun time on a couple adventures.

I feel like a lot changes with the mark of a new school year. Leah is starting kindergarten. I'm sad in a different way than I was with Bryce. I'm excited for her, but it changes my purpose. I've been pretty much a stay at home mom, with the exception of substitute teaching here and there for 8 years. Now with both of them in school, I will work more and it means no more toddlers in this house. I guess I'm feeling blue and a little empty nest syndrome. School is such a bitter sweet thing for this mom.

This summer we had a blast, but we always do! The kids decided on small birthday parties ( I limited them to 5 guests) and instead go to Disney for a couple days. We also made a Pier trip and had plenty of swimming dates at Grandma's. We took a couple Vegas trips, one with friends and one for my sister-in-laws 21st birthday. My mom had her 50th birthday and my dad surprised her with renewing their vows. It was such a special day. Not looking forward to getting back to the grind!

Playing Catch up

Boy, oh boy! We have been so busy and sitting down and writing has taken a back burner. But I miss this little journal of our lives so expect me playing catch up in the next few posts! I have had a lot to say and update! More to come.....

Building Blocks

I was pretty impressed with their teamwork and elaborate castle they made at my moms. They posed like statues to show off their work. After the pictures, they ran through it, completely demolishing it.

The Front

The Back

Side View

The Statues

From our Fridge

Leah wrote her whole alphabet by herself!

Bryce tested advanced in Language Arts and Math!

11 years....

Today is our 11th year of marriage and 17th year together. That was hard to write as I hate odd numbers...

Looking back, it is almost funny to see where we are now. When our families met I was 5 and Bobby was 9. We grew up teasing each other, playing guns and a game we called "Lions." Sometimes when we sit back and talk about those times it is crazy to think we actually got married and made two little pieces of heaven (sometimes hell) Bryce and Leah.

Once, when I was totally crushing on him and he hated me, he walks up and said I was pretty. My heart melted. It was even in front of all of our brothers.  Then he said, "Pretty ugly!" I still married him and that story will forever go down in history. I still think he thought I was pretty and too cool to admit it.

When (at 12) I told people I wanted to marry this guy they looked at me like I was nuts. When we actually started dating, Bobby's friends all thought he was crazy. I'm sure there were very few people who thought we'd actually make it. My 7th grade teacher bet me we would be broken up by the end of the year or he'd give me $20. They all could have been right. But they weren't, and I'm so happy.

Whether it be luck or hard work or a combo of both, I am glad to be where we are. We have a blast together and when things get hard, there isn't anyone else I can imagine in the trenches with me. It works, without having to change each other or wish for something better. I thank God for that. Every night.

For years he has been asking for pictures of me, probably since we got married. I wasn't sure if I ever would. Then I found this great boudoir photographer and surprised him today with a book full of pictures. He said it was the best present ever. I was pretty proud of having the guts to do them, as it was nerve racking. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy. It's the least I can do for all the happiness he brings me.

 I really don't know why people wouldn't want to be married and have kids. This is my heaven. Even when it's hell, wouldn't trade it for anything. And that's after a week of dealing with the stomach flu with both kids. You know it must be love! Here's to a lifetime of these mushy anniversary posts =)

Till Death Do "Some" Part

I'm not sure if it's our age, or it's a sign of the times, but it seems that many people we know are going through divorce. I would say half! It is a sad thing and whenever it happens, it has me reevaluate my marriage and what we can do to make sure it stays a happy marriage.

Bobby and I talk a lot about what it is to be married and what it is to be happy and about our future. I think people go into a marriage with expectations that do not line up with reality. When we talk about marriage Bobby teases that he assumed I would cook him dinner in lingerie every night. Ha! The truth is, those same ideas you got married with....change. I think the obstacle of a good marriage is to roll with those punches and change together.

I think it is how you make it though the difficult times, the respect and nurture that you show each other, will determine how strong your marriage is. Anyone can make it through bliss. The good times make it worth the lows. Anyone could make it if it was all peaches. Not everyone makes it because it's not all peaches. Make it though the lows gracefully and I believe you will always be married.


Hopefully we are part of the 50% who make it but if we are not, I will need to come back and eat or reread the following words.

Dear Husbands:
Love your wives. Love them when they are not-so lovable. Love them when they are ugly, inside and out. They may not always be the amazing woman you married. Love them anyway! I know I have had days that I am not at my best. When I feel ugly (perhaps not showered) and it shows in my attitude on the outside. All I needed in those moments of despair is for my husband to make me feel whole again, make me feel "pretty" and worthy, like the day he married me. And I believe this is the key for women. Make them feel loved. When you see them after they get ready - whistle. You may not even feel like they are worthy or deserving of it, but give it to them because that is what she needs. And if she can't get what she needs from her husband, what is the point of having one? Make her feel smart and beautiful- as I think this is the key to her happiness. Once she has had your children, make her feel like that is the most amazing thing she could have ever done for you and how much you worship that gift. Some days she will be worn from all of it: keeping it all together with the kids, the cleaning, the working and looking great while making love like a porn star. Tell her you notice the effort. And if she's not making the effort, let her know how much you appreciated it when she did, so that she can become the woman you fell in love with once again.

Dear Wives:
Love your husbands. Love them and make them feel like men. Give them plenty of physical contact because that's how they equate their emotions. Support them with their careers and tell them how much you appreciate the security of a man. How you feel safe and secure when they are home. Without that security, what is the point of having a husband? Give them love and perhaps, bj's- just because. Bobby said they should be called blowfun instead of jobs, because it sounds like a duty instead of something great. Ha! Love your husbands and give them love even when they are annoying and watch too many sports because deep down, you appreciate their "kid at heart" attitudes and wish you could be as carefree as they are. Let him know that he is a great Dad. Tell him how much you appreciate the help bathing and dressing the kids. They may not always do it right, but if they are doing it at all that is something that should not go unnoticed. Make them their favorite food, just to let them know you are trying. TRY! Men are simple and really do appreciate the smaller things, like sexy underwear, you smiling, or a home cooked meal.  The man that you married and fell in love with is in there and will come out with a little coax.


That is my theory. I read it to Bobby just to make sure it was accurate. He said it's accurate for us, but everyone is different and that may not be what they need. I agree. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'm praying I have the answers for what it takes for us two to stay together. Bottom line, talk and see what it is you may need.

We don't get married to a person we can't stand. At some point you loved that person and recreating and changing what that love was and is will be the key to a happy marriage, I hope! Maybe some people are just not meant to be and will find this happiness with someone else. I'm not sure if divorce is right or wrong. Maybe if there is only one person willing to make it work, it can't work. Maybe there had to be something there to begin with or the rest self destructs. I hope and pray, as we enter our 11th year of marriage this week, we find the answers that work best for us! Love and happiness to all!

Taking Some Time

Ever since I was pregnant with Leah I have been nauseous. Nearly everyday and she is almost five. I started seeing doctor's about a year after having her because, what I thought was morning sickness, was not going away. I was s..l...o...w...l...y treated for an array of things. Ulcers, acid reflux, anxiety, and the list can go on for a while. Each time I would see a doctor, they would have me try a new medication. Me, being a good patient and wanting to be healed would take the prescription for the whole amount of time. Nothing changed. Sometimes, the nausea was manageable. Other times it would wipe me out. The worst part of it, is the anxiety I have. Well, and when I have to ice my stomach and gag myself by the toilet for hours. Sometimes it hits in the middle of sleep, other times throughout the day. It has been trying.

But I don't usually tell people how sick I am. I go about my life. I run the PTA, am active in my son's baseball and my daughter's dance, etc. I attend events and just smile through the nausea. This year my anxiety and nausea hit an all time low. I was stuck on the couch, couldn't pick up the kids from school, couldn't eat a normal diet. I felt horrible. I scheduled a scope and started seeing a specialist.

They discovered I had inflammation in my stomach and a stomach hernia. Both of which they are not treating. There isn't much to do, according to them. It is hard because I sometimes have to leave family functions, or call my mom to help me with the kids because I feel so sick. It's hard to write it down and finally admit it. I don't like being weak and having to say I can't do things.

Once my kids started praying at night for their mommy to not have stomach aches, I had a break down. I don't want them to worry about me, they are kids and shouldn't have to. That was the worst thing for me.

I finally, after five years, decided to take things slower. Cancel plans and rest. I semi-quit PTA. If I have to go home, I no longer smile through the nausea. I go home and try to make it through in the comforts of my own home. I realized me being sick was affected my family too much and anyone or anything outside of my four walls, would have to wait.

Some of my close friends who knew about my health are the best and so understanding. My friend Katie will talk me through on those days when I feel awful and am crying because I can't leave the house. My mom is my saving grace. She will drop everything to help me when I am low. She helps with my kids, comes and cries with me because she hates seeing me sick and she accompanies me on late night visits to the doctors. I cannot say how much that means to me.

Bobby is seriously a saint. I often remind him that he said, "sickness or health" when we said our vows. He usually just smiles and reassures me of his love, although he doesn't have to. I feel so bad for him because I put a damper on things. I really don't like to travel unless I'm with him, because he knows what to do and how to make me feel better if I get sick. He doesn't ever get mad. He wakes in the middle of the night with me and will rub my back even though he is half asleep. He lets me keep the house freezing and just gets blankets when he's cold- I do worse if I'm hot. When I stress about letting other people down, he reminds me that this is our number one priority for me to get better. He talks me through things and listens to my theories. He is a GREAT comfort to me and he never makes me feel bad. I do plenty of that on my own.

I don't want to seem like a baby as I know many people have diagnosed ailments that are much worse. And everyday I thank God for the hand I've been dealt. I love my life, but it is hard to enjoy the moments that are meant to be enjoyed when you don't feel well, when you are losing sleep and your patience is low. I am just being honest, finally, about how I feel. And most days I feel sick....to my stomach. And it messes with my mind.

Because I am nauseous, I prefer to be home. Imagine that you have the stomach flu. You feel like you are about to puke. You are hot and clammy. You race to the toilet. Your stomach is turning, growling and in knots. Then you get there, but you don't puke. Just the feeling is there from 20 minutes to a couple hours. Do you want to be somewhere in a car? On vacation? No you probably want to be hovered over your own clean toilet. It's not normal, but that's how bad it can get with me. So it makes traveling really hard. Hell, it makes going to the grocery store hard on some days.

I continue to see a specialist. I have been on tons of medications over the years. The last couple months have been pretty bad, but I'm starting to feel better. I usually goes through highs and lows like that. I am always happy and thankful when it subsides a little. Recently I decided to stop taking EVERYTHING I was on. I have been having a pretty good month so far with only a couple bad days here and there.

The doctors continue to not know where the inflammation is coming from. Chances are there will be several more tests, although they tell me some patients are never diagnosed with a reason for the inflammation, which gives me very little hope, but I try and stay positive. I have made changes to my diet and even quit coffee, which makes me sad. I am willing to let go of anything that will make me better though.

I tell myself and the people I come in contact with, they cant depend on me for things because if I don't feel good I am not going to be uncomfortable. I am going to make getting better a priority and take some time to rest when I need to. It's OK to not be superwoman, although I try really hard sometimes to be that. This summer I'm looking forward to some rest, some places to visit (if I can make it) and taking some time to heal and solve this....

for me....

for Bobby.... and....mostly

for my kids!

If You Want to be Bryce's Friend...

About a year ago Bryce comes home and asks a question I wasn't quite ready for. He asks me if "gay" is a bad word. He is in first grade and the kids at school are using it. I tell him no and ask why and where he heard it. He said his friends were calling Justin Beiber gay. I'm a little caught off guard and then give him the best explanation on how I feel. It went similar to this:
Gay is not a bad word at all. Mostly a man likes a woman and a woman likes a man. Sometimes though, a man will like a man or a woman will like a woman. This is called gay. Like our uncles.

He shakes his head and says, "OH! I get it. But, is Justin Beiber gay?"

I tell him no. That a lot of times people will use the word gay in place of the word stupid and gives it a bad meaning. I then tell him I don't EVER want to hear him calling anything gay in the bad way because we love our uncles and that would hurt their feelings to hear that. And we don't want to hurt our family by using the word badly. I tell him hurting family is like hurting ourselves. So it was best to use gay only in the right way and not in place of calling something "bad."

He agrees he would never want to hurt some one's feelings and asks how come people are gay. I explain that God makes people all different ways.

At the end of the his second grade year, about a year after this conversation, he gets in the car and we are talking about his day. Leah mentions how he shouldn't play with this kid, Carlos because he isn't always nice. Bryce then said something that, as a parent, makes you tear up. I am proud that he gets "it" in the way I want him to.

He said, "Carlos is actually good now. I made him promise to stop saying gay and retarded in a bad way if he wanted to be my friend. And guess what? He promised he wouldn't say them."

I asked, "You said that?!?!"

He says, "Yeah mom, because Kyle is my friend (our friend with autism) and if they say that in a bad way, it will hurt him and because my uncles are gay, if they say that in a bad way it would hurt them. And I told him if you hurt my family and friends, you hurt me and I can't be your friend. And he agreed, so now he doesn't say those words."

I told him how proud of him I was for standing up for what is right and for what he believes in and there is nothing in this world that makes me more happy than him doing that. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. No big deal to him, but a major milestone to me!